The Wild

by JE Smith

Note to Disney: if it’s not Pixar, it’s CRAP!

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The Wild is not the worst computer-animated feature you’ll ever see, but it is the one you’ll forget the fastest. A Frankenstein creation stitched together from bits and bobs of other, better movies, it may entertain the tots, but absolutely no one else.

Fretful lion pa Samson (Kiefer Sutherland) mounts an expedition to retrieve his young son Ryan (Greg Cipes), who has accidentally boarded a ship for Africa. Along for the ride are a jive-talking squirrel (Jim Belushi), a sensible giraffe (Janeane Garofalo), and a quirky koala (Eddie Izzard). Ryan ends up on a volcanic island with a cadre of cheesed-off wildebeasts, led by William Shatner. Will the day be saved? Will Ryan learn to roar like a real lion? Will anyone over the age of six still be awake at the end?

The Wild is just dull, and largely laugh-free. The plot is primarily a rip-off of Finding Nemo (insecure dad desperately searches for lost son), and lots of the secondary elements are recycled as well, like the slap-happy chameleons who constantly shift colors just like, oh say, Randall from Monsters, Inc. The Wild doesn’t have an original thought in its head, and so it just plods along, grinding through unfunny “comedy” and a paint-by-numbers script while the gears grind and screech; it’s never a good sign when an 80-minute film for children lists four screenwriters, and you’d think a movie directed by a guy named “Spaz” would have some energy, but not so. Not so.

The animation is well done, but the character designs are totally uninspired. Basically, the animals look just like they do in real life, and only the fact that they talk (and act human) means we’re in an animated film. There’s no stylization to the designs at all, and that seems like an almighty waste of the format.

Also rather dull are the performances. Keifer Sutherland is an odd choice for the lion dad, as he’s never particularly projected much warmth and cuddly-ness as an actor; Belushi does the same old shtick he always does, and even my beloved Janeane Garofalo is so understated that I spent the whole movie having no idea she was the voice behind the giraffe-lady. Shatner gives it the old college try, but even he can only command a weak smile.

Basically The Wild sucks. I pity the poor parents that get rooked into seeing it, and I pity them even more when the dvd comes out. Not every animated feature can be as brilliant as the Pixar output, but The Wild doesn’t even try.