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Handling alcohol together with any form of stress and anxiety is a deadly formula; it completely drains your energy, obscures your ability to make rational decisions and helps you escape a problem that you cannot really escape from.

It became my only friend as I was alone and my life tightly interlocked with my son’s while coming to terms and living with the onset of his illness. Of course alcohol was already an issue when my son’s illness invaded our life, but I wobbled dangerously on the edge in order to cope and blot out the isolation and pain.

I found that the bottle was my invisible friend who came to visit and I was reluctant to let go as momentarily my darkness was filled with color. The problem of course was when I was forced to cope without its aid. My mind felt as if the simplest task was a feat, cooking a meal caused nausea and I was not the best care giver for my son’s condition.
I was riddled with guilt and shame. I felt like a marathon runner who never reaches the finishing line and yet was not allowed to stop. In other words, I coped very badly, I even made mistakes with medical decisions that I could have handled differently.

In a way, I do not know how I would have lived through those initial stages of his illness without alcohol, but I assure you I would have been a better mother. I did eventually kick the habit when later on when my son got married, he became a father and his wife died of cancer a year after giving birth to his daughter.

I realized when my granddaughter was three years old and relied on me as a substitute mother that I could not bring her up to be a responsible and loving person if I continued to drink. I cut loose my demons, took off the tinted glasses and I think that I am doing a pretty good job handling my tenacious, intelligent and beautiful teenage granddaughter who calls me ‘Mum’.

About Stella Metaxa Mazzucchelli:

Mazzucchelli was born in Athens, Greece and married, aged eighteen, Riccardo Mazzucchelli, the famous Italian businessman. During their twenty-two year marriage, they lived in Zambia and London, where she became a well-known figure on the social scene, and had a brief and successful modeling career at the unusual age of 28. Fedele is their only child.  After their divorce, Riccardo married Ivana Trump in 1995, though the marriage was short lived. Stella now lives in Athens where she brings up her granddaughter Katerina. As well as being involved in the property and renovation business, which ensures she maintains connections with London, she is also a tireless campaigner for the better understanding of schizophrenia and mental illness. Silk Flowers Never Die is her first book.

You can find Stella online at www.dynastypress.co.uk and at her blog www.dynastypress.co.uk/news.html