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Another author cornered me after a presentation: “How did you get so funny? How do you do it? What’s your secret? I wish I was that funny.”

We’re all funny. Okay, some of us are funnier than others, but everyone does funny stuff. It’s just that some of us are too uptight to notice how silly we are.

I, on the other hand, am a trained noticer. I see myself doing crazy stuff, and I make note of those moments. I remember them. I keep them on hand and use them when I write.

And I don’t have a secret. To quote Popeye, “I am what I am.”  I am, by myself, a one-woman laugh riot. Which was never my intention. Not at all. I just noticed early on that I am fated to be a terminal screw-up. I try to be a useful citizen, but frankly, I’m a goof. A failure at modern life. A blooming idiot. A real dope.

Case in point: Yesterday while I dropped my son off at the airport, I left our dogs in the car and hopped out to give my kid a hug. Bad idea. The car was running. The dogs stepped on the door lock mechanism.

There I stood in the drop-off passenger zone, locked out of my car.

The airport security guy was not impressed. He threatened to tow my vehicle. I pointed out that he’d also be towing away my dogs. My dogs who were barking very, very loudly by now.

He said he’d write me up for a security violation.

I told him I’d call the Humane Society and have HIM written up for cruelty. And dog theft.

While we argued, my dogs hopped up and down. They thought this was a jolly time. Then, one of the dogs jumped on the door lock mechanism. I saw the buttons pop up, seized my advantage, and got back into my car.

After that, we went for ice cream. The dogs like vanilla in a cup. I like mine blended with vodka and Kahlua. I had two helpings.

See? You laugh, but this is my life.

Right about now, you might be wondering whether you personally WANT to be this funny. The answer is probably, “No,” and I respect you for it. It’s best to leave stuff like this to experts.

Instead, I suggest you buy my books: Paper, Scissors, Death and Cut, Crop & Die. That way you can laugh at ME and save yourself a lot of grief. Go ahead, I won’t mind a bit.

About Joanna:

Joanna Campbell Slan is suffering from too much ice cream. Paper, Scissors, Death—the first book in the Kiki Lowenstein Mystery Series—was an Agatha nominee for Best First Novel. The second—Cut, Crop & Die—is out this month. Visit her at www.JoannaSlan.com or follow her at www.twitter.com/joannaslan