About Jeffery Stevenson
Location: Austin, TX
Occupation: Database Consultant/Writer
Bio: Pop Syndicate's Creative Adviser is also the writer and letterer of the long-running twice weekly webcomic, Brat-halla (following the Norse gods during their elementary school days), which ran for a few years at Kevin Smith's MoviePoopShoot.com (and later, QuickStopEntertainment.com) and is currently hosted over at Graphic Smash. He was also the hired wordslinger for Jim Valentino's Task Force 1 from Shadowline/Image Comics.
To keep up with the rest of Jeff's insanity, feel free to check out his personal blog at Dark-n-Dam'd.
Posts: 36
More from this author
A question about solicitation...
All these companies keep saying "no unsolicited submissions" and I just want to know... how do you get a "solicited submission"?
Vivian W., Hollywood, CA
Dear Vivian,
So, you want to get solicited? Well, I could give you the same old boring, dry explanations everyone else gives, but that just puts you on the same playing field as everyone else. No, we're gonna take it to the next level. We're gonna consult an expert in this specific subject matter--a professional in an industry where they're capable of getting solicited up to a dozen times a night. So, I contacted a close, personal acquaintance working down in the red-light district and convinced her to share some wisdom of the trade. Here's what she had to say:
1. Be where the action is. Ya ain't gonna find no work hangin' out at the library or the church. Well, not without lots of extra work, an expensive bustier, and a credit card machine. It just ain't worth the hassle, sweetie. Just find a nice spot where those boys go looking for talent and make yourself available.
2. Accentuate your assets. Being in the right spot and being available doesn't automatically put you in the middle of the action. Ya gotta make them take notice. Got something that makes the boys stand up an take notice? Play it up! Push it out, hike it up, shake it around, and put some big ol' neon signs on it. Just take those neon signs off before you get to work 'cause they hurt when they break.
3. Work it. The boys like a confident woman. One that takes charge and has that I-can-get-things-done strut to her walk. You know you're good, but ain't no one else gonna see it if you don't show it off a little.
4. Have a few tricks up your skirt. You're gonna get all kinds of strange requests, honey, and if you don't know squat about them, you're walking away from a ton of work. Anyone can just lie there and take it, but most of these men ain't looking for that. They're paying good money, aren't they? Give them the special. Make them remember the girl that curled up their boxers and made them know every penny was worth it.
5. Know your craft inside and out. But don't forget the simple stuff. They want a pro in the driver's seat no matter what the request is. Let 'em know you can handle all the ins, outs, ups, downs, overs and unders with skill and ease.
6. Position yourself. Positioning is a girl's best friend. Get yourself in the right position, and everything just falls right into place and sets you up for the big payoff.
7. Know when to walk away. Not every mark is worth your time and trouble. Some of them boys are looking for a free ride. They'll get what they want and run out on ya in a flash. It's like those kids filling up at the gas station and tearing off without paying. A pump-and-run. If something seems off, talk to the other girls and see if he's on the level. We know the score, sweetie. We got nothing else to do but talk between jobs. You should just hear the things we say about you.
8. Talk it up. And since I'm going on about talking, it's a good skill to have. I've had boys embarrass themselves listening about what I've done for other the other boys. To what I'm gonna do for them. You gotta bring them into the moment. Give 'em a tease and bring their imagination into it. You've hooked them with the looks and now you're just reeling them in inch-by-inch.
9. Let your girls talk you up. A girl can't please every man that comes her way and definitely can't fulfill every fantasy, but she ain't gonna let good money walk. Scratching backs and talking each other up is good for business. If someone wants something you don't offer or you already got all your body parts accounted for, make sure you let that extra boy know where to find what they need. Give a little and your girls will make sure to talk you up when they got more than they can humanly handle.
10. Give them the fantasy. Ever been with someone that gave you everything you wanted and got it done right? Ever wanted to? You know you do. All the magic and none of the hassles. None of the complications. Be the fantasy, and they'll keep coming back for more. Sure, you could just grind it out, count your cash, and go your merry way, but you give 'em the fantasy, girl, and get yourself a regular.
Vivian W., Hollywood, CA
Dear Vivian,
So, you want to get solicited? Well, I could give you the same old boring, dry explanations everyone else gives, but that just puts you on the same playing field as everyone else. No, we're gonna take it to the next level. We're gonna consult an expert in this specific subject matter--a professional in an industry where they're capable of getting solicited up to a dozen times a night. So, I contacted a close, personal acquaintance working down in the red-light district and convinced her to share some wisdom of the trade. Here's what she had to say:
1. Be where the action is. Ya ain't gonna find no work hangin' out at the library or the church. Well, not without lots of extra work, an expensive bustier, and a credit card machine. It just ain't worth the hassle, sweetie. Just find a nice spot where those boys go looking for talent and make yourself available.2. Accentuate your assets. Being in the right spot and being available doesn't automatically put you in the middle of the action. Ya gotta make them take notice. Got something that makes the boys stand up an take notice? Play it up! Push it out, hike it up, shake it around, and put some big ol' neon signs on it. Just take those neon signs off before you get to work 'cause they hurt when they break.
3. Work it. The boys like a confident woman. One that takes charge and has that I-can-get-things-done strut to her walk. You know you're good, but ain't no one else gonna see it if you don't show it off a little.
4. Have a few tricks up your skirt. You're gonna get all kinds of strange requests, honey, and if you don't know squat about them, you're walking away from a ton of work. Anyone can just lie there and take it, but most of these men ain't looking for that. They're paying good money, aren't they? Give them the special. Make them remember the girl that curled up their boxers and made them know every penny was worth it.
5. Know your craft inside and out. But don't forget the simple stuff. They want a pro in the driver's seat no matter what the request is. Let 'em know you can handle all the ins, outs, ups, downs, overs and unders with skill and ease.6. Position yourself. Positioning is a girl's best friend. Get yourself in the right position, and everything just falls right into place and sets you up for the big payoff.
7. Know when to walk away. Not every mark is worth your time and trouble. Some of them boys are looking for a free ride. They'll get what they want and run out on ya in a flash. It's like those kids filling up at the gas station and tearing off without paying. A pump-and-run. If something seems off, talk to the other girls and see if he's on the level. We know the score, sweetie. We got nothing else to do but talk between jobs. You should just hear the things we say about you.
8. Talk it up. And since I'm going on about talking, it's a good skill to have. I've had boys embarrass themselves listening about what I've done for other the other boys. To what I'm gonna do for them. You gotta bring them into the moment. Give 'em a tease and bring their imagination into it. You've hooked them with the looks and now you're just reeling them in inch-by-inch.
9. Let your girls talk you up. A girl can't please every man that comes her way and definitely can't fulfill every fantasy, but she ain't gonna let good money walk. Scratching backs and talking each other up is good for business. If someone wants something you don't offer or you already got all your body parts accounted for, make sure you let that extra boy know where to find what they need. Give a little and your girls will make sure to talk you up when they got more than they can humanly handle.10. Give them the fantasy. Ever been with someone that gave you everything you wanted and got it done right? Ever wanted to? You know you do. All the magic and none of the hassles. None of the complications. Be the fantasy, and they'll keep coming back for more. Sure, you could just grind it out, count your cash, and go your merry way, but you give 'em the fantasy, girl, and get yourself a regular.
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All material in The Creative Adviser is fictitious and intended solely for the purpose of entertainment. Names are fabricated and any similarity to real people or places is purely coincidental except in those cases where public figures are being satirized.
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