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Welcome to my column. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. 

I guess I’ll start by saying welcome to Because I Said So. Surely, your presence here is proof that you have absolutely nothing better to do than read the rantings of a deranged Canadian. In any event, I started this column over a year ago at another site, and thought it was high time I share it with all our loyal readers here at Pop Syndicate. As I did before, I’ll be pretty much covering all the pop culture bases, from music, to movies, to television, etc. I might even talk about your mother if you catch me on a bad day! That’s right, she’s fair game, too!!

Kicking things off, I wanted to talk a little about hip-hop and rap music. Certainly, my views have changed from time to time, but the older I get, the more I listen to some of the stuff on the radio today and say to myself. . . . “What is this crap?!?!” Now, part of me would like to rationalize things, citing a cyclical nature to mainstream music, in which the eras of rap music that older fans may favor had their fair share of songs most would consider silly, nonsensical, and just downright ignorant. From the early days, there have always been popular rap artists whose subject matter left a lot to be desired, and furthermore, weren’t even all that great at rapping about said subject matter. Still, I’ll occasionally be listening to some of the songs on the radio, and wonder just what the hell is going on. First of all, there are too many dudes whose rap names start with “young”! Young Jeezy, Young Dro, Young Joc, Young Berg, etc. And it’s not like you can really tell them apart, they’re all talking about the exact same stuff; I got a lotta money, I bang a lotta chicks, I move a lotta weight (that’s slang for dealing dope, by the way). And let’s not forget about their decades-late discovery of the vocoder! “Hey, listen! I sound like a robot! Word to C-3PO!”

Beyond that, the lyricism just isn’t there. I can be pretty forgiving when it comes to what a rapper chooses to rap about. This is evident in my love of The Clipse, who rap almost exclusively about selling cocaine. But they do it so skillfully and charismatically that I’m willing to excuse the subject matter. But all you other guys, don’t be content to just make words rhyme! Throw in some double-meanings, some metaphors, some wordplay and delivery that moves with the beat like it’s actually got a pulse! It’s no wonder the mainstream has dubbed Lil’ Wayne’s goblin-lookin’ ass as the standard by which all other rappers are measured! I still maintain that the man perspires wack juice from every pore of his body, but at least he seems to put some effort into his rhymes. Even I can admit that he does have his moments where he’s downright clever. Not that he’ll ever be redeemed, in my opinion, for releasing “Lollipop” on the public like SARS.

For the most part, I rarely have my views on rap music challenged, but occasionally I will be accused of hip-hop snobbery. I’ll have a song played for me with the endorsement, “You know this joint cranks!!”, and I’ll just stand around looking like an unsatisfied housewife. You’d think it was an age thing, but those who would label me a snob when it comes to rap music, are usually older than me, having far more experience of when rap music, at least in the mainstream, was still good! Maybe I’m just not one for what some would call “club bangers”, those songs created for no real purpose other than getting people to shake their asses in over-priced, pretentious night spots. Maybe it’s the overabundance of thuggery for the sake of thuggery. There’s no context to the lifestyle portrayed in the music anymore, it’s just another trend to follow. Maybe it’s the tiny handful of producers who collectively paint a broad and monotonous stroke over the entire rap music landscape. Maybe it’s some of those producers following in the footsteps of Kanye West and deciding they need to be in front of the microphone, too (Yeah, I’m looking at you, Dream, although I don’t really want to, because you look like a woodland creature!).

Mind you, I’m not calling for a massive shift in the kind of rap music that gets played on the radio, but dammit if it wouldn’t be nice to get back to when there was a little more balance. When it didn’t matter if you were a flashy showman, a thug, or an intellectual, there was room for everyone on the radio waves. Honestly, I feel like mainstream music in general peaked in the early to mid-nineties, and we’ve been heading down a slippery poop-slide ever since. Every now and then, you scratch your bottom on a nugget of gold, but at the end of the day, you’re still covered in poop.