PopSyndicate.com

Let’s take a trip into the way back machine…

Before There Was Digital is going to be an ongoing series where I take current movie news and use it as an excuse to talk about movies you may have missed from the good old days of (mostly) practical effects and magnetic tape. You’ll find that those excuses will from time to time be a little thin.  But what can I say, through that thin veil maybe we’ll find a few movies that you’ll fall in love with (or at least enjoy enough to recommend to others) like I did.

The key to starting off a great action movie is beginning with a simple motivation.  Revenge is always a good one and money works too.  It doesn’t matter how crazy or convoluted the plot gets (and it usually does), as long as you have plenty of explosions and ass kicking along the way, you are off to a good start.  It’s an easy formula with a large and forgiving fan base.  This probably explains why these movies are pumped out with an astounding regularity.  Every once in a while we get a few that manage to stand out. 

After capping off the Rocky franchise and adding a Rambo sequel that seemed like a how to video on making body parts explode, Sylvester Stallone is putting together what has to be a return to the good old days of action films full of explosions and cheesy villains (two must haves for any action movie).  The Expendables is the story of a group of mercenaries hired to take out a South American dictator.  That’s it.  Oh, I’m sure it’ll get more complicated than that (it always does), but here’s what should get us all excited, take a look at the cast list:

Sylvester Stallone
Jason Statham (named Lee Christmas)
Mickey Rourke (named Tool)
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Jet Li
Bruce Willis (rumored)
Dolph Lundgren (named Gunnar Jensen)
Terry Crews (named Hail Caesar)
“Stone Cold” (named Terry Paine)
Randy Couture (Toll Road)

I’d like to think that Stallone wanted to get Michael Dudikoff, Carl Weathers, Chuck Norris, and Steven Segal but was told that there wasn’t a camera invented that could that much ass kickery™ in one movie.  This movie has tongue in cheek crazy action written all over it.  If anyone knows over the top action it would be old Sly Stallone.

I could do an entire article on just how mantastic those character names are, but I’ll get back to my original point.

This film is set for release on April 23, 2010.  That is a year away.  Now, I am a man that needs instant gratification, whether it be online access or fast food, I want it now.  Luckily, these guys have quite a catalog of ass kickery (if I use that phrase enough times I am sure even your grandparents will be using it in 5 years) on their own.  This should be enough to tide us over until then.  This first edition of Before there was digital is going to look at a few of the action flicks that were made by direct to video powerhouses like Golan Globus and Cannon Pictures and a few that actually made it to the big screen.  Hopefully, a steady dose of these films spaced out over the next few months will keep us all in check and lower the chance of overdosing on what is sure to be a hurricane of over the top destruction and testosterone.

The Dolph Lundgren Experience:

Sure, you can take the safe road and revisit Universal Soldier, Rocky IV, or watch your brain melt during Masters of the Universe, or The Punisher, but let me suggest a nice little nugget called Johnny Mnemonic.  While not a great movie, a highlight of the film is the addition of big Dolph (if I may) as a crazy anti-technology zealot who believes that kicking ass gets more done than a few words from the good book.  Men At War is a good example of a fairly simple action film that throws a convoluted plot into the mix but with enough action to keep up everyone happy.  You just have to turn off your brain for the fun little morality play.

Jason “Give me a minute so I can kick your ass topless” Statham:

While a relative newcomer as far as action films go, Statham still has an impressive resume of ass kicking movies.  Sure you’ve seen Snatch and the Transporter movies but a few that may have slipped by you are well worth checking out.  Mean Machine is a British version of The Longest Yard.  No not the Adam Sandler movie dammit, the Burt Reynolds flick.  While Statham isn’t in a lot of the film, he does play the “character so evil he has to be locked up and letting him out would be tantamount to letting a wild boar loose on the field”.  The film mostly features Vinnie Jones, but there is plenty of ass kickery (see you are already wanting to say it every time you get a chance) to go around.  If you haven’t had a chance to check out Crank, this movie should be high on your list.  Statham plays Chev Chelios, a man injected with a Beijing cocktail that is designed to stop his heart.  The only way he can stay alive is to keep his adrenaline pumping.  It’s an action flick where the hero goes out of his way to beat the crap out of anyone he can.  It’s fun for the whole family. In The One, you get a double dipping of Statham and Jet Li.  Plenty of high flying and face kicking for everyone.

Arnold Schwarzenegger-One catch phrase to rule them all:

This man has built his entire career on crazy action films, and most of them are pretty legendary.  If you haven’t seen Commando, Predator, True Lies, Total Recall, or all of the Terminator movies, then you probably deserve what happens to you if your friends find out.  For those of you that have seen his more famous movies, let me help you dig through his career and pull out absolute gold.  If you haven’t seen these, then feel free to show your love for me via Paypal.  Conan the Barbarian and Conan the Destroyer are great to start out.  While the first film isn’t jam packed with action, both films feature Ahhhnuld in all his buff glory wielding a sword and pissing off an Asian midget (a least I remember him as a midget for some reason).  While Raw Deal is probably one of his more plot heavy movies, there is plenty of action and violence to go around.  The Running Man is action heavy but let’s Arnold (I refuse to type his last more than absolutely necessary) show off a little of his goofy side as a game show contestant who is forced to fight for his life.  This film is full of classic Schwarzenegger one liners.  Watch for a cameo by Jesse “The Body” Ventura.  For those of you that missed Last Action Hero because you were fooled into believing that it sucked, check it out.  It is a fun tongue in cheek look at the action hero film genre co-written by the writer of The Last Boy Scout and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.  It was also directed by John McTeirnan (Die Hard, Predator, The Hunt for Red October). 

Jet “Who do I have to kill to remove Lethal Weapon 4 and Romeo Must Die from my bio” Li:

This one is a little tougher for me because I haven’t seen a ton of his films.  Hero is a must see, not only for the action, but overall it’s just a beautiful movie.  Fearless and Unleashed are really good movies with plenty of martial arts action.

The yo-yo of an actor that is Mickey Rourke:

Back in the 80s Mickey Rourke was a good actor, a sex symbol even.  The guy actually did movies that are memorable like Barfly, Diner, The Pope of Greenwich Village, and Angel Heart.  Then he decided to stop acting, get beat up in the boxing ring and act in pretty much any crappy movie someone would throw his way.  If you are a movie fan I highly suggest you check out the movies listed above.  But since this is an action oriented article, let’s dig around and check out a few shoot em ups and punch fests that will remind us that Mickey Rourke is also a badass.  Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man is not a great movie by any means but is fun to watch as he and Don Johnson kick ass and take names (mainly to know who they need to come back to for more ass kicking).  Johnny Handsome is another fairly mediocre revenge flick (with a fairly unique premise) but it has an all star cast and with Walter Hill behind the camera you know the violence will be at least interesting.  I’m not a big fan of westerns but there is a little t.v. movie that I caught one night at 2am called The Last Outlaw.  It is the story of an outlaw betrayed by his crew and he is forced to hunt them down one by one.  While researching the article I found out it was written by Eric Red, writer of Near Dark and The Hitcher).  It is available on DVD and I highly recommend this very cool Mickey Rourke western. 

The man, the mumbler, Sylvester Stallone:

Another icon of kick assery (see how it rolls off the tongue), we’ve all seen the Rocky and Rambo movies and we all have our opinions on which is best of each series (some of us will argue to our dying breath that Rocky V is a piece of crap).  There are a few little known action flicks that are worth checking out.  Even if you’ve seen them, these all have a high rewatchability.  I have no idea why I love Tango and Cash*.  Maybe it is because Sylvester Stallone is supposed to be the smartest guy in the room, maybe it is Kurt Russell in drag. Maybe it is a bad idea to spend too much time trying to figure that one out.  Death Race 2000 is one of my all time favorite movies.  It’s a cross country race where you get points for killing people.  Complete with low budget special affects and a villain named Machine Gun Joe Viterbo.  Brilliant.  Then there is Cobra, an action flick starring Stallone as Lt. Marion “Cobra” Cobretti.  You know you are in for a treat when the title of the action flick is a play on the main character’s name.  He is tough on crime and serial killers and soft with a rough exterior while protecting damsel in distress Brigitte Nielsen (back when she was hot and had legs to tomorrow afternoon).  Cobra has tons of action with a high body count and one of the coolest action cars ever to be cast in an action movie.     

There are some movies that I’ve obviously missed and I can probably write another 1,000 words on action movies of yesteryear that you have to check out (and I’m sure I will at some point.  But It’s getting late though and if you made it this far through the article I should probably give you some sort of medal.  This should get you through the next few months of waiting while Sylvester Stallone puts together what should be a rock-em sock-em good time.

*I had a chance to catch this movie again last weekend and am convinced it should have won some sort of award for worst dialog in the history of feature films, which in my mind makes it all the more fun to watch. 

Next up.. A prequel to Alien?  But there are so many other good alien sci-fi/horror movies to be discovered.