About Jeffery Stevenson
Location: Austin, TX
Occupation: Database Consultant/Writer
Bio: Pop Syndicate's Creative Adviser is also the writer and letterer of the long-running twice weekly webcomic, Brat-halla (following the Norse gods during their elementary school days), which ran for a few years at Kevin Smith's MoviePoopShoot.com (and later, QuickStopEntertainment.com) and is currently hosted over at Graphic Smash. He was also the hired wordslinger for Jim Valentino's Task Force 1 from Shadowline/Image Comics.
To keep up with the rest of Jeff's insanity, feel free to check out his personal blog at Dark-n-Dam'd.
Posts: 36
More from this author
A question about screenwriting contests...
Can I really get my screenwriting career started by competing in contests?
Sci-fi Specialist: Yes, it would. But what if those winners were people we knew. Interns and internal people we'd done work with already? People we were already planning to move up as writers anyways. They'd move up with a little extra confidence while slowly crushing the dreams of those who didn't win.
Competence N., Taylorville, IL
Dear Competence,
Ahh, the contest. The everyday person's shot at fame and riches. A chance to be noticed by the Hollywood playmakers. A chance to hop on board the money train and party with the stars. Unfortunately, the contests were designed to keep writers out. It's part of a constantly evolving series of obstacles designed by a secret society of Hollywood's elite writers to dam up the flood of young talent and keep them from stealing jobs from veteran writers.
Sure, it sounds like one of those far-fetched conspiracy theories. A myth. An urban legend. Until someone infiltrated this society and stole transcripts dating back to its formation. Leave it to writers to write down everything. Let's see how some of these Hollywood obstacles like the beloved screenwriting contest came to be...
Writer Monkey King: Welcome. Welcome, everyone. I'm so glad you all could make it to the first meeting of the Writerati.
Scripter of Skullduggery: Writerati?
Writer Monkey King: Working title. Subject to change.
Violent Scribe: Who the [bleep] cares? What the [bleep] are we doing here? We're just sitting on our [bleep] rumps while these young punks invade our territory stealing bread from our table. I got a [bleep] mortgage to pay on my mansion, man. And prostitutes who need college money and [bleep].
Writer Monkey King: Calm down. That's precisely what we're here to discuss. We need to stabilize our futures. We need to take action. We need to pool together our creative resources to come up with a plan to deter these youngsters.
Dizzying Dialoguer: Ooh! Ooh! We could build a great wall around Hollywood with a single point of entry. With gun turrets. Lots and lots of gun turrets.
Violent Scribe: What the [bleep] are you smoking? Gimme that [bleep].
Violent Scribe: Oooo... that's better.
Writer Monkey King: Let's not get crazy here people. We can't kill these youngsters. But we'll keep it in mind as a last resort option.
Writaholic: Maybe we should turn union. Like a lot of the other Hollywood folks. Say it's to promote the quality of living for working writers.
Writer Monkey King: I like that idea. We could make all the Hollywood work union, so they'd have to join us before they could work on Hollywood projects.
Writaholic: And they'd need an agent to submit their writing for consideration.
Writer Monkey King: And they can't join the guild or get an agent until they sell something to Hollywood. It's like an endless labyrinth of frustration and despair.
Writer Monkey King: Let's run with it. Let's go union!
... Years Later ...
Writer Monkey King: Here we are again, folks. Our last idea slowed down the influx of young writers, but they've managed to find ways around it... like getting entertainment lawyers involved. It's only a matter of time before this barrier loses all effectiveness.
Writaholic: Wall? Gun turrets?
Writer Monkey King: I don't think we're down to that level yet. What do we know about these young screenwriters that we could use against them?
Violent Scribe: They're [bleep] punks!
Dizzying Dialoguer: They wish they were us?
Sci-fi Specialist: They want lots of money because they don't have any money?
Writer Monkey King: Wait. That's it! We'll hit them where it hurts... in the pockets.
Writaholic: Yeah, now you're talking!
Writer Monkey King: Not like that.
Writaholic: Awwww.
Writer Monkey King: We'll convince the studios that pitching the screenplays face-to-face is the best way to evaluate a potential blockbuster. All those young, hungry writers will have to pony up the travel costs... airfare, hotel, rental car, food, and all that. There's no way they could afford that without breaking the bank.
Dizzying Dialoguer: Yeah, we'll keep the poor poorer and the rich richer. It's perfect!
... Years Later ...
Writer Monkey King: Well, that was an unfortunate side effect. I know none of us could foresee all those writers just moving out here just so they could be available to pitch and running up the population of this area. And causing major traffic issues. Hopefully, the third time's a charm. Any thoughts?
Writaholic: A wall woulda slowed 'em down but good.
Writer Monkey King: That idea is starting to look better.
Dizzying Dialoguer: Maybe we should try a misinformation and misdirection route. Give them so much contradictory information on breaking in, they're head'll be spinning.
Violent Scribe: [bleep] bury them in education?
Dizzying Dialoguer: Yeah, man.
Violent Scribe: I can see that. Overload them with [bleep] rules and tips and advice until their [bleep] brains meltdown.
Dizzying Dialoguer: Plus, we'd make a few extra bucks off the book sales.
Writer Monkey King: We could even have many of these books mention other career fields could be used as a stepping stone into Hollywood and are easier to break into like novels or comics. And when they get frustrated at how tough it is to get into those other jobs, they'll never want to step foot in Hollywood.
Writer Monkey King: Let's get started!
... Years Later ...
Writer Monkey King: Well, here we are again. Book sales are great, and we did slow things down for a bit. Now, we have to deal with all the young novelists and comic book writers stealing our work as well. These kids are just too spirited and determined.
Writaholic: Turrets can easily counter determination.
Sci-fi Specialist: Or maybe we could try crushing their spirits.
Writer Monkey King: I like that idea... but how?
Sci-fi Specialist: Losing. Nothing kills dreams faster than losing. Especially, losing a lot.
Writer Monkey King: So, we'd have them compete?
Sci-fi Specialist: Exactly! We'd hold contests.
Writer Monkey King: But what about the winners? Wouldn't that just make it easier for them?
Writer Monkey King: I like it, but then, I'm fond of crushing people's dreams.
... Years Later ...
Writer Monkey King: Okay, all in favor of a wall with gun turrets?
Everyone: Aye!
All material in The Creative Adviser is fictitious and intended solely for the purpose of entertainment. Names are fabricated and any similarity to real people or places is purely coincidental except in those cases where public figures are being satirized.
Sci-fi Specialist: Yes, it would. But what if those winners were people we knew. Interns and internal people we'd done work with already? People we were already planning to move up as writers anyways. They'd move up with a little extra confidence while slowly crushing the dreams of those who didn't win.
Competence N., Taylorville, IL
Dear Competence,
Ahh, the contest. The everyday person's shot at fame and riches. A chance to be noticed by the Hollywood playmakers. A chance to hop on board the money train and party with the stars. Unfortunately, the contests were designed to keep writers out. It's part of a constantly evolving series of obstacles designed by a secret society of Hollywood's elite writers to dam up the flood of young talent and keep them from stealing jobs from veteran writers.
Sure, it sounds like one of those far-fetched conspiracy theories. A myth. An urban legend. Until someone infiltrated this society and stole transcripts dating back to its formation. Leave it to writers to write down everything. Let's see how some of these Hollywood obstacles like the beloved screenwriting contest came to be...
Writer Monkey King: Welcome. Welcome, everyone. I'm so glad you all could make it to the first meeting of the Writerati.Scripter of Skullduggery: Writerati?
Writer Monkey King: Working title. Subject to change.
Violent Scribe: Who the [bleep] cares? What the [bleep] are we doing here? We're just sitting on our [bleep] rumps while these young punks invade our territory stealing bread from our table. I got a [bleep] mortgage to pay on my mansion, man. And prostitutes who need college money and [bleep].
Writer Monkey King: Calm down. That's precisely what we're here to discuss. We need to stabilize our futures. We need to take action. We need to pool together our creative resources to come up with a plan to deter these youngsters.
Dizzying Dialoguer: Ooh! Ooh! We could build a great wall around Hollywood with a single point of entry. With gun turrets. Lots and lots of gun turrets.
Violent Scribe: What the [bleep] are you smoking? Gimme that [bleep].
Violent Scribe: Oooo... that's better.
Writer Monkey King: Let's not get crazy here people. We can't kill these youngsters. But we'll keep it in mind as a last resort option.
Writaholic: Maybe we should turn union. Like a lot of the other Hollywood folks. Say it's to promote the quality of living for working writers.
Writer Monkey King: I like that idea. We could make all the Hollywood work union, so they'd have to join us before they could work on Hollywood projects.
Writaholic: And they'd need an agent to submit their writing for consideration.
Writer Monkey King: And they can't join the guild or get an agent until they sell something to Hollywood. It's like an endless labyrinth of frustration and despair.
Writer Monkey King: Let's run with it. Let's go union!
... Years Later ...
Writer Monkey King: Here we are again, folks. Our last idea slowed down the influx of young writers, but they've managed to find ways around it... like getting entertainment lawyers involved. It's only a matter of time before this barrier loses all effectiveness.
Writaholic: Wall? Gun turrets?
Writer Monkey King: I don't think we're down to that level yet. What do we know about these young screenwriters that we could use against them?
Violent Scribe: They're [bleep] punks!
Dizzying Dialoguer: They wish they were us?
Sci-fi Specialist: They want lots of money because they don't have any money?
Writer Monkey King: Wait. That's it! We'll hit them where it hurts... in the pockets.
Writaholic: Yeah, now you're talking!
Writer Monkey King: Not like that.
Writaholic: Awwww.
Writer Monkey King: We'll convince the studios that pitching the screenplays face-to-face is the best way to evaluate a potential blockbuster. All those young, hungry writers will have to pony up the travel costs... airfare, hotel, rental car, food, and all that. There's no way they could afford that without breaking the bank.
Dizzying Dialoguer: Yeah, we'll keep the poor poorer and the rich richer. It's perfect!
... Years Later ...Writer Monkey King: Well, that was an unfortunate side effect. I know none of us could foresee all those writers just moving out here just so they could be available to pitch and running up the population of this area. And causing major traffic issues. Hopefully, the third time's a charm. Any thoughts?
Writaholic: A wall woulda slowed 'em down but good.
Writer Monkey King: That idea is starting to look better.
Dizzying Dialoguer: Maybe we should try a misinformation and misdirection route. Give them so much contradictory information on breaking in, they're head'll be spinning.
Violent Scribe: [bleep] bury them in education?
Dizzying Dialoguer: Yeah, man.
Violent Scribe: I can see that. Overload them with [bleep] rules and tips and advice until their [bleep] brains meltdown.
Dizzying Dialoguer: Plus, we'd make a few extra bucks off the book sales.
Writer Monkey King: We could even have many of these books mention other career fields could be used as a stepping stone into Hollywood and are easier to break into like novels or comics. And when they get frustrated at how tough it is to get into those other jobs, they'll never want to step foot in Hollywood.
Writer Monkey King: Let's get started!
... Years Later ...
Writer Monkey King: Well, here we are again. Book sales are great, and we did slow things down for a bit. Now, we have to deal with all the young novelists and comic book writers stealing our work as well. These kids are just too spirited and determined.
Writaholic: Turrets can easily counter determination.
Sci-fi Specialist: Or maybe we could try crushing their spirits.
Writer Monkey King: I like that idea... but how?
Sci-fi Specialist: Losing. Nothing kills dreams faster than losing. Especially, losing a lot.
Writer Monkey King: So, we'd have them compete?
Sci-fi Specialist: Exactly! We'd hold contests.
Writer Monkey King: But what about the winners? Wouldn't that just make it easier for them?
Writer Monkey King: I like it, but then, I'm fond of crushing people's dreams.... Years Later ...
Writer Monkey King: Okay, all in favor of a wall with gun turrets?
Everyone: Aye!
####
Got a question about breaking in for The Creative Adviser? Ask away! It might even get answered!
All material in The Creative Adviser is fictitious and intended solely for the purpose of entertainment. Names are fabricated and any similarity to real people or places is purely coincidental except in those cases where public figures are being satirized.
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