About Jeffery Stevenson
Location: Austin, TX
Occupation: Database Consultant/Writer
Bio: Pop Syndicate's Creative Adviser is also the writer and letterer of the long-running twice weekly webcomic, Brat-halla (following the Norse gods during their elementary school days), which ran for a few years at Kevin Smith's MoviePoopShoot.com (and later, QuickStopEntertainment.com) and is currently hosted over at Graphic Smash. He was also the hired wordslinger for Jim Valentino's Task Force 1 from Shadowline/Image Comics.
To keep up with the rest of Jeff's insanity, feel free to check out his personal blog at Dark-n-Dam'd.
Posts: 36
More from this author
A question about personal readers...
I should be in the middle of a bidding war for my screenplay, but no one in Hollywood seems interested. Everyone I've shown my work to says it's the best thing they've ever read. Why can't I get a break?
Chester P., Ickypuck, WI
Dear Chester,
Today's your lucky day. The Creative Adviser felt like you deserved a break for once, so you've been given a wonderful opportunity. I personally tracked down "everyone" you've shown your work to, and they've agreed to an interview. With us today is Chester's mom Sylvia; his dad Antone; Hector, a fellow student from Chester's English as a Second Language class; and Baron Tilde Dragonbelch, a member of Chester's online gaming clan whose online persona is in the story. It sounds like a solid lineup to me, so let's get to the interview to see if we can find out why Chester isn't getting a break...
What do you do for a living?
Sylvia: I fill out online surveys for a living. Mostly for coupons and gift certificates, but I do earn some cash.
Antone: I'm self-employed. I deal... it's catering. I'm a caterer.
Hector: I am student. I have a scholarship.
Baron: The Baron is an online community manager for Porridge Game Systems.
Have you read so-and-so's story?
Sylvia: No, not really. I just tell him that, so he'll stop bugging me about it. Otherwise, it's emails every hour and calls every night asking me when I'm going to finish reading his masterpiece of fiction. It's really not the kind of story I'd normally read, and I just don't want to hurt his feelings.
Antone: I read up to the part with the girls and the flail. It's smut! If he wanted to write smut, he should have done one of those adult movies and been paid for it. Or he could have been a nice doctor... preferably a heart doctor. Lord only knows, my heart needs one with all that boy's put me through.
Hector: I read it and liked. Chester is genius and also writes good.
Baron: The Baron is privy to the aforementioned story. It's a whimsical tale of fantasy and adventure the likes of which the world has yet to see. It's destined to be a blockbuster and break numerous box office records.
What was the theme of the story?
Sylvia: Thyme? I don't think he used any thyme. I don't even think he knows how to cook.
Antone: You mean like they have with those fancy dance-em-up balls? I'd have to say his theme is smut then. Smut this and smut that.
Hector: His theme is good. It is all about writing good.
Baron: It's an epic fantasy adventure pitting the forces of light against the minions of darkness with overtones of romantic comedy, science fiction, and ancient Arctic folklore.
Could you identify the inciting incident?
Sylvia: Probably not.
Antone: Inciting? It's smut! And bad smut at that because it didn't incite me in the least.
Hector: There is the part where they go inside the cave. That's insiding, right? He writes that part very good.
Baron: Truly you are digging for a reason to tarnish the name of this good story by implying it could be used to incite some kind of riot. Clearly you cannot see the genius of this masterpiece of the fiction-making world. The Baron begins to grow bored with your incessant questioning.
How does the protagonist change by the end?
Sylvia: What's a protagonist?
Antone: I hope things change by the end. I never got that far, but considering the bits with the horny monsters swallowing their meat whole and all the elves polishing their longbows, it could probably only change for the better.
Hector: Did you even read story? It was good, and there was no one named that.
Baron: The Baron sees through your ongoing attempts to discredit this story in a troll-like fashion. The Baron will not submit to your trickery.
Which of the basic plots does this story mostly closely follow?
Sylvia: The first one?
Antone: There was a plot? The only plotting I saw dealt with everyone trying to figure out how to get into each other's pants. I've seen cooking shows deliver better stories than this one did.
Hector: He used the basic plot that is good because he writes good.
Baron: And still you continue with your brutish assumptions. The plot for this story is anything but basic. It's a complex tale that intricately weaves together adventures across twenty great lands... each of these lands with their own politics, religion, mannerisms and subcultures. To tie all of that into a single story requires more than just your average, basic plot.
Do you know who Robert McKee is?
Sylvia: He's that motivational speaker with the really nice hair, right?
Antone: The only McKey I know is that crazy Irish guy on the TV advertising his locksmith shop. I bet that's not even his real name. Come on... McKey? Irish locksmith? That can't be his real name. Plus, no self-respecting Irishman would be caught dead in that crazy leprechaun get-up.
Hector: No, but I'm sure he knows Chester writes good.
Baron: The Baron knows all but refuses to answer your question due to your earlier deceits.
Pass, consider, or recommend?
Sylvia: Ummm... I... I'm not sure. Which is good and which is bad? I wouldn't want to pick anything that would hurt his feelings.
Antone: I'd recommend therapy for the boy.
Hector: He is good student. His writing is good and he always gets passing grade.
Baron: This is a thinking man's story, so the choice is obvious... consider. Consider the possibilities. Consider the wonderment. Consider the adventure.
Chester P., Ickypuck, WI
Dear Chester,
Today's your lucky day. The Creative Adviser felt like you deserved a break for once, so you've been given a wonderful opportunity. I personally tracked down "everyone" you've shown your work to, and they've agreed to an interview. With us today is Chester's mom Sylvia; his dad Antone; Hector, a fellow student from Chester's English as a Second Language class; and Baron Tilde Dragonbelch, a member of Chester's online gaming clan whose online persona is in the story. It sounds like a solid lineup to me, so let's get to the interview to see if we can find out why Chester isn't getting a break...
What do you do for a living?
Sylvia: I fill out online surveys for a living. Mostly for coupons and gift certificates, but I do earn some cash.
Antone: I'm self-employed. I deal... it's catering. I'm a caterer.
Hector: I am student. I have a scholarship.
Baron: The Baron is an online community manager for Porridge Game Systems.
Have you read so-and-so's story?Sylvia: No, not really. I just tell him that, so he'll stop bugging me about it. Otherwise, it's emails every hour and calls every night asking me when I'm going to finish reading his masterpiece of fiction. It's really not the kind of story I'd normally read, and I just don't want to hurt his feelings.
Antone: I read up to the part with the girls and the flail. It's smut! If he wanted to write smut, he should have done one of those adult movies and been paid for it. Or he could have been a nice doctor... preferably a heart doctor. Lord only knows, my heart needs one with all that boy's put me through.
Hector: I read it and liked. Chester is genius and also writes good.
Baron: The Baron is privy to the aforementioned story. It's a whimsical tale of fantasy and adventure the likes of which the world has yet to see. It's destined to be a blockbuster and break numerous box office records.
What was the theme of the story?
Sylvia: Thyme? I don't think he used any thyme. I don't even think he knows how to cook.
Antone: You mean like they have with those fancy dance-em-up balls? I'd have to say his theme is smut then. Smut this and smut that.
Hector: His theme is good. It is all about writing good.
Baron: It's an epic fantasy adventure pitting the forces of light against the minions of darkness with overtones of romantic comedy, science fiction, and ancient Arctic folklore.
Could you identify the inciting incident?
Sylvia: Probably not.
Antone: Inciting? It's smut! And bad smut at that because it didn't incite me in the least.
Hector: There is the part where they go inside the cave. That's insiding, right? He writes that part very good.
Baron: Truly you are digging for a reason to tarnish the name of this good story by implying it could be used to incite some kind of riot. Clearly you cannot see the genius of this masterpiece of the fiction-making world. The Baron begins to grow bored with your incessant questioning.
How does the protagonist change by the end?Sylvia: What's a protagonist?
Antone: I hope things change by the end. I never got that far, but considering the bits with the horny monsters swallowing their meat whole and all the elves polishing their longbows, it could probably only change for the better.
Hector: Did you even read story? It was good, and there was no one named that.
Baron: The Baron sees through your ongoing attempts to discredit this story in a troll-like fashion. The Baron will not submit to your trickery.
Which of the basic plots does this story mostly closely follow?
Sylvia: The first one?
Antone: There was a plot? The only plotting I saw dealt with everyone trying to figure out how to get into each other's pants. I've seen cooking shows deliver better stories than this one did.
Hector: He used the basic plot that is good because he writes good.
Baron: And still you continue with your brutish assumptions. The plot for this story is anything but basic. It's a complex tale that intricately weaves together adventures across twenty great lands... each of these lands with their own politics, religion, mannerisms and subcultures. To tie all of that into a single story requires more than just your average, basic plot.
Do you know who Robert McKee is?
Sylvia: He's that motivational speaker with the really nice hair, right?
Antone: The only McKey I know is that crazy Irish guy on the TV advertising his locksmith shop. I bet that's not even his real name. Come on... McKey? Irish locksmith? That can't be his real name. Plus, no self-respecting Irishman would be caught dead in that crazy leprechaun get-up.
Hector: No, but I'm sure he knows Chester writes good.
Baron: The Baron knows all but refuses to answer your question due to your earlier deceits.
Pass, consider, or recommend?Sylvia: Ummm... I... I'm not sure. Which is good and which is bad? I wouldn't want to pick anything that would hurt his feelings.
Antone: I'd recommend therapy for the boy.
Hector: He is good student. His writing is good and he always gets passing grade.
Baron: This is a thinking man's story, so the choice is obvious... consider. Consider the possibilities. Consider the wonderment. Consider the adventure.
####
Got a question about breaking in for The Creative Adviser? Ask away! It might even get answered!
All material in The Creative Adviser is fictitious and intended solely for the purpose of entertainment. Names are fabricated and any similarity to real people or places is purely coincidental except in those cases where public figures are being satirized.
Syndicate this story
Funny stuff. I thought the writing was good?