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Whether you like your carnage human meat grinder, monster madness or strictly slapstick, there are a wealth of new releases to cover all your needs. Kenichi: The Mightiest Disciple makes us laugh, D.Gray-Man makes us shiver and Black Lagoon - well, Black Lagoon kicks in the teeth of every other action anime out there.

My first impression of Kenichi came a few months when I got my first glimpse of one of the best made commercials I had ever seen. Given a funky, 70’s Shaft like feel, the trailer instantly made me interested in the tale of a young man on his search to be the biggest, baddest guy on the block. Sadly, the show wasn’t as stuffed full of explosive 70’s goodness - it was packed with slapstick-y, goofy, action-y goodness.

Kenichi is a kid who can’t catch a break. The other kids call him ‘Weak Knees’, he’s a total coward and what’s worse, he’s the subject of much bullying. Though he joins the karate club as an attempt to try to get stronger, it isn’t until an accidental run in (his face ran into her fist) with busty, blond Mui that he gets an in with the martial arts. Mui, who is gentle and sweet, also happens to be a bad ass fighter, and in an attempt to make up for clocking Kenichi, she brings him to the dojo where she lives with her grandfather - and a ton of other fighting masters.

They bring Kenichi in, they try to teach him but intentionally only improve his strength instead of teaching him style. But one of the karate club bullies challenges Kenichi in an attempt to get him out of the club once and for all. Mui, fearing for the terrified Kenichi, teaches him a few simple moves - and Kenichi wins the fight.

Sounds like a happy ending? It isn’t. From there on, people only grow more and more interested in the fledgling fighter, and though Kenichi does his best not to get pummeled and learn from his masters, he only gets noticed by all the wrong people. Let the fighting commence! Season one part one, which covers the first thirteen episodes, are now available.

D.Gray-Man rides the line between comedy and spooky. The tale of Allen Walker, a young exorcist with a supernatural arm trying to fight off akuma, the unwillingly resurrected spirits of the deceased who become monsters under the control of the villainous Millennium Earl. Voiced by Todd Abercorn, who voices Watanuki from Xxxholic, the character bounces back and forth from serious to a little screechy (and at those points, he sounds identical to Watanuki). There is some silly fun but mostly a lot of cool, creepy almost funhouse-type characters. Big teeth and top hats are the norm, though some of the more basic, less powerful akuma share more than a few features with some of the heartless in Kingdom Hearts. Allen and his fellow exorcists band together to try to do away with the Millennium Earl and prevent the end of the world. Lenalee Lee, a sweet gal who seems a little soft-hearted towards Allen, is often his partner in crime. But not everyone likes Allen - Yu, a slightly older guy, is cold, stone hearted and utterly fixated on his duty to destroy akuma and preserve a powerful substance called Innocence.

There is a lot of God and religion here, and it does nothing but help make the world more interesting - as does the ass-kicking dealt out by the exorcists from time to time. This show isn’t black and white, good or bad - it takes every point from multiple angels, and this depth makes the show that much more interesting. This series is well worth the purchase - season one part one, which equates to the first thirteen episodes (and commentary!) is out now.

Which brings us to the grand daddy of big bads, the smack down, all-out, barrage of guns, grenades and girls gone homicidal - Black Lagoon, season two. Black Lagoon is the kind of rare show that pulls no punches; they’re going to take a set of beautiful child twins and not only turn them into mad, crazed, soulless killers, they’re going to toss in a little gender bending and then horrify you just a bit more by subjecting the most innocent cast member to child porn. This show is brilliant and it has absolutely everything required of a no-holds barred action magnum opus.

Rock is a Japanese businessman who got shanghaied into life on the other side of the law. Revy is a mad gunner who, due to her double fisted approach to shooting goes by the name Two Hands. They are two of the four member crew of the smuggling ship Black Lagoon, and they walk the line between moral criminal and criminally insane.

The first storyline in season two contains some of the most f’ed up things I have ever seen in anime (short of the hentai, and even then I’m not sure). Combine that with the sight of Revy walking through a bowling alley, mowing down everyone in sight (whether they deserve it or not) warning the cowering masses ‘the boogie man is coming!’ is a sight to behold. This is the show that brings in a five star rating. This is the show to watch. The season box sets are beautiful - metal cases, four discs - and one of those is bonus features (director interviews, promo videos, clean intros and ending animation - and the list goes on) and this is not only one of the most beautiful looking sets, it’s stocked on extras and episodes 13-24 of the most insanely brilliant shows around.

And here’s a little something to ponder - the aforementioned twins are a boy and a girl, little kids. It is revealed at one point that they switch out which is the boy and which is the girl (no powers, people, we’re talking child tranny action). One of them, while dressed as a girl, lifts his\her skirt and shows his\her bits to the aforementioned innocent character. My question, and the question I’ve been pondering since I first saw this episode (many months ago on the first Black Lagoon release) is this: which gender bits did Rock see? It’s the fact that this show makes me lie awake at night ponder questions of this nature that makes two things certain: one, I’m a little warped for thinking about such things, and two, this show is unlike any other.