PopSyndicate.com

Comic book queers, and readers of mainstream comics in general, come in two distinct flavors: Jean people, and Emma people.

People love Jean Grey, and I can’t blame them.  She’s the wholesome, all-American girl next door, the object of straight boy crushes, corruptible only by an extraterrestrial entity that grants omnipotence.  But who wouldn’t be?  She’s interesting enough as a character, although I would contend that she’s much more interesting and important to the X-Men as an aching absence rather than an active part of the team (and I suspect she’ll be back soon, thanks to the Messiah CompleX storyline).

Me, I’m an Emma fan.  I love the bad-girl-gone-good archetype, the angry bitch (a word I use with a respect that borders on reverence) who discovers her own vulnerability and craving for redemption.

We’ve all known Emmas, and they’ve been much more compelling than the Jeans in our lives.  The first Emma I knew was in high school.  I first noticed her because of her calm, calculated cruelty.  You couldn’t not notice her.  “Jessica” held court in the cafeteria, sitting at the back of the room surrounded by girls who were much less interesting, sophisticated, and worldly than she.  These girls hung on her every word and knew that to survive the cutthroat world of high school, she was a valuable ally and a socially devastating enemy.  It’s worthy of note that I can’t remember any of their names, but I don’t think I could ever forget Jessica’s. 

With her short, dark hair, gleaming eyes, and classic and impeccable sense of style, Jessica routinely hurled one-line insults at passersby: “Interesting skirt, Marcy.  Euro-slut becomes you.” “Michael, you’re just one decent haircut away from being human.  Keep up the good work, and you may become a man someday.” I slunk past her every day, praying I was beneath her notice.  And I was, until my junior year.

It started when Jessica began seeing Jeremy, a rabidly self-destructive, self-described “artist” who was peripherally in my circle of friends.  I don’t know what brought those two together.  I think Jessica probably loved that Jeremy alternated between worshipping and rejecting her, which made him the only real social challenge that she’d known up to that point.  It may also have been that Jeremy’s occasional rejection activated a long-buried sense of vulnerability in Jessica, something in that made her feel real and alive.  Jessica softened in that relationship, and I’m guessing that was my foot in the door.  She talked to me about her relationship woes, then later, her hopes and fears and future plans.  I made her laugh, and I basked in her acceptance.  I became her gay.  She would take me shopping, ask for fashion advice, and wrinkle her nose and giggle in dismay when I gave it.  I loved it, and kind of fell in love with her a little bit.  She was my only female friend who knew how to maintain her dignity after three wine coolers and who wasn’t a virgin.  I was dazzled. 

She spent most of her time in our black-clad, Siouxsie-and-the-Banshees-listening circle of friends, but would occasionally go to parties with the girls from the lunchroom.  I sometimes asked her what these outings were like.  She would give me an unfathomable response like, “They’re all so stupid and shallow.  I had a fantastic time.” She was only 16.

We fell out of touch after college.  She broke up with Jeremy for good just after high school graduation.  She went to college in the city, and when I asked her how it was, she said that it was smelly and crowded.  I ran into her in my hometown when we were both 23, and she had a healthy tan and was wearing loose-fitting linen.  She said that she’d been living in New Mexico for the last several years.  She had a relaxed and kind demeanor.  I found myself tongue-tied, not knowing what to say to this new, gentle Jessica that I didn’t know.  “See you around,” I said, stupidly, with a vague tone of disappointment in my voice.  I think about her all the time, and how I wish that conversation had gone differently.

Who were the Emmas in your life, and where are they now?

0