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I'm not at my usual level of quality when it comes to this column. The holiday has messed up my ability to think and write clearly. Please read at your risk and see how I stumble through this weeks column. I blame the turkey.

For some reason the turkey got to me. The holiday weekend came and I realized that I didn’t have a column topic. I usually am pretty good about having one ready to go for each week but some how this one just slipped away from me. Between you, me, and the internet, I blame the turkey. It has powers which have caused me to fail in finding a topic of my usual quality. Given these fowl powers, I wonder: if the turkey was a villain who would it fight and what would its powers be?

Would Turkey be a mutant or the result of a lab accident or even a magical villain? I’d say just keep it simple, he just shows up one day, or she, I haven’t decided. S/he has the powers to make people feel bloated and heavy but also gives his/her victims a wave of drowsiness. I don’t know if I’d want to incorporate feathers or not. S/he has voice powers that are extremely annoying to anyone around him/ her. They make the victims want to run away screaming.

After defining powers I’d need to come up with some motivation for my turkey villain. What does s/he want to do? We could say rule the world, that’s pretty standard. My turkey villain wants to rule the world and will use his/ her powers to do it. Nothing gets a villain noticed more than breaking the law a few times.

Who knew coming up with a really bad villain could be so hard? Comics are littered with bad villains who only appear once or twice and then are never heard from again. What makes Magneto, Doctor Doom, Joker, or Lex Luthor stand out against all the single issue villains. What will it take for my nefarious turkey creation to be something more than just a one issue gimmick?

I could answer that if I hadn’t fallen into my lonely trap of turkey drowsiness, or bad planning. Let me offer my sincerest apologies to those who came looking for a good, or better, column this week because I don’t think I’ve been able to provide one. Please come back next week where I’ll be back on my regular level of performance. I’ll even tackle the issue of a good villain versus a bad villain. Until next week, take care.