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A man that is torn between his heart and his head and a woman that hates to be a piece of meat.

Dear Date Knight,

Help, please!
Sean
Sean,
She does love you. Women by nature do not cheat for physical reasons. She has been close to you and developing an emotional relationship over the past 4 years. You may have just become involved but she’s been involved with you for a long time. Sometimes we ladies marry the wrong guy. Sometimes he was the right guy but we are no longer the right girl for him anymore. The reality is it doesn’t matter why they are together. Just that they are together.

A good mother will not leave children. If she’s willing to walk out on her kids for you, well, she’s not good people, just a good lay. If she’s being abused maybe I can understand leaving to get stable, but I would fear that Dad is just going to turn on the kids. If her children are older they are going to turn on her. If she walks out on the marriage, she will be the bad guy and they may take up for Dad. Especially if she walks right out the door on him and into your arms. You need to be prepared for those kids to dislike and resent you.  If they are little it might not be as tough.

I have no doubt that if you guys can get through it you will be ok. I do recommend some counseling for her. I never condone cheating so my advice is going to be to cool it until she calls it quits w/ hubby dearest though. I’m pretty sure you won’t do this, so let’s talk damage control. Her husband IS going to figure this out and he is going to want your blood. Unhappy marriage or not, you are messing with his home. He may rage and throw her out or he could pull the “what can I do to be better for you”. Either way it’s going to run her and the kiddos through the ringer. Are you prepared for that? Are you ok with always feeling like second fiddle when she goes home at night? Think about what this all could mean for you. Sometimes love is not enough!

Best of luck,
The Date Knight

Dear Date Knight,
What makes a man to speak to a woman he doesn’t know in a sexually loaded, leering, and predatory kind of way? Does it make him feel powerful? Is it a way to get attention? Does he think his behavior is actually attractive and will result in his “getting some”? Does he do it to belittle her because he feels he can’t have her?

Why do some guys do that?

Meg

Preach on sister gurl!!!

Rarely do I use “gurl” but something in your message made me pull it out for you. How much do you hate “psst psssssst, girl hey girl pssst, pssst”? What are you the frickin’ Dog Whisperer? Do not “pssst” me. Also, they’re called boobs. We all have a pair, stick your tongue back in your head and quit leering at me, right?

Men don’t really have a great group of role models. We bitch about the skinny models and poor body image that women get in magazines but the bad boys always get the girls right? Have you picked up a Maxim? It’s all about not being a pussy and never getting sensitive. I Googled male dating, and the first site actually advised men to be phony baloney on first dates to spark interest. Dylan always got Brenda back and then scored Kelly too! He was a total jerk. I think that the newer generations have taken this idea to a new low. They think that being a bad boy is now about vulgarity and they are vulgarly clever, rapper style. I mean, our generation’s president was getting serviced in the oval office. What kind of message did that send to men? That it’s ok to compromise women? We women aren’t blameless though, I mean have you watched Comedy Central after 2am? It’s all Girls Gone Wild all night long. Men also have fewer role models than they used to with higher divorce rates or absentee fathers. No one has shown boys how to become men. They behave in this manner because quantity over quality seems to produce results.

I also have come to discover that they expect our icy force field, but they don’t understand why it’s up all the time. Men have no idea that a good chunk of our time out is spent protecting our vaginas. We are taught from puberty to keep our keys between our fingers to poke out an assailant’s eyes. We’re supposed to look under the car before we get in and check our backseats. Men don’t realize that we do this. Very few men know that we were taught about how to squeeze -twist- pull in gym class while they played dodge ball. My fiancé was shocked when I told him how often I think about how not to be raped. So they see us as ice queens when really we’re just watching out for danger.

I no longer tolerate it. I call them out point blank. This results in being called fat bitch a lot, but I think it shocks the dude into moving along. I suggest you do the same. Stand up when it upsets you. I mean who cares if the psst psst guy hates you? Though sometimes, I ogle back. I find an aggressive honest female is the kryptonite of vulgarity. Ask to see some man cleavage. Just don’t be surprised if once and a while a guy accommodates you. Men are shameless even when they aren’t being vulgar!

Fight for your right,
The Date Knight