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Every so often, some newspaper covers a story of an intrepid reporter daring to live their life virtually for a week. Day one: VOIP and IM. Day two: still can't print. Just as prevalent are the ones about living offline. They involve turning off email and reading a book; the moral of the story being we spend too much time online. Big surprise. Just order your food online and have it delivered already; you won't turn into a hermit. The internet won't ruin civilization. Wired Mag’s overuse of coin phrases like virtual reality and cybersex never amounted to anything more than commercialized ventures too complicated for the average user to ever be concerned with. Occasionally someone creates a blogging implant that that only works at MIT and that person still has to shop at Best Buy like the rest of us nerds. Sure, products can be ordered online, but actually driving to the Best Buy or Fry’s is still more convenient; even if it means have to go offline once in a while and squint your eyes and the searing pain of daylight.

Real life can be tough: ultra high definition, the glare of outdoor lighting, human interaction without emoticons, sex. Not that the internet can't help in these areas. For every real life task there is a website dedicated into making that task better. Want to go watch the stars? There is a site listing the darkest places on earth; away from light pollution. Want to go shopping? Review sites cover any city, venue, comic shop, or restaurant out there. But consider this, instead of using the internet to aide in everyday activity, find activities outside your daily routine.

Assassin (see Gotcha!), hunt someone down and grab their butt. The rules are simple; submit your personal information to a dossier, get an assignment. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is a person (a mark) for you hunt down and eliminate. In the earliest form of the game, elimination came in the form of a butt grab (ass-assin, get it?). This grab was either a one or two cheek squeeze depending on the rules. Assassin keeps it popularity mostly in college dorms where the hijinx of man-on-man butt grabs knows no end. Other elimination weapons like water pistols, nerf guns, sharpies or stickers may be used, possibly at the behest of campus administration. See your dorm advisor for details.

Meet Up, find new friends because yours suck. There are knitting groups, book clubs, and political organizations whose success depend on people actually getting together in the real world (if you're like me, living in the heart of Texas doesn't lend to many lefty-pinko community centers). Meetup.com, LJ and forum communities often get together in real life if for no other reason than to finally put a face to the avatar. True community building happens in our real lives, but we can use the internet to strengthen and enable its purpose. Be warned, however; not since the rise of Harry Potter tribute bands has there been a need to remind fellow netizens what happens when you spend too much time in one user group. Don't get me wrong, Draco and the Malfoys is a cool name for a band, but I can't help imagining what songs they play, Don't Go Breaking My Wand, Potter Don't Preach, No Squibs (TLC).

DIY, how to look homeless on a budget. I once took a home-ec class in middle school. We had to sew pencil pouches for our book binders. This was more of an exercise in why I shouldn't be around machinery with needles. That said, the Do-It-Yourself movement includes everything from clothing to electronics. DIY is taking open source ideas and using it for your own purposes. Screen printing, coffee brewing, junk jewelry, external iPod battery pack, etc. are more popular and accessible thanks to sites like Make, ThreadBanger and Etsy. Give it a try, don't worry if your first attempt to boil your old pants in coffee (for a hip new look!) doesn't work out. If you're like me, your failure at anything creative will only strengthen your love for The Gap even more. Short of that, most crafts, kits and hand made clothing are also available for purchase.

Scott Beale / Laughing Squid

Zombie mob invades the Apple Store in San Francisco

Flash Mob, dress up as zombies, invade Apple Store, read about it in a blog later. There really isn't much purpose for flash mobs other than to have fun doing something totally useless. But how is annoying innocent bystanders ever useless? A flash mob is a planned "spontaneous" group activity that lasts for a little while, then disperses almost as quickly as it started (inset joke about my dating life here). Flash mobs range from the simple and seemingly inexplicable game of Red Rover to a pillow fight in a public square. Just remember to scatter when the fuzz show.

Geocaching, also known as the ham radio of treasure hunts. Remember the in the movie Amélie where she kidnaps her dad's garden gnome and sends it to various destinations around the globe (until it landed a gig with Travelocity)? That's what geocaching is like. Geocachers, armed with a GPS device, seek out various treasures that have been planted in parks or public areas. Objects found via a portable GPS device are typically logged on the geocaching website and placed somewhere else for other geocachers to find. Some users have gone so far as to have coins made with tracking numbers. Found items can sometimes come with a note requesting that they be sent someplace else in the world. Obviously, the spirit of geocaching is about passing these treasures on for the next person to find. It doesn’t do any good to keep the items for yourself. It relies heavily on community, the honor system, and waterproof containers.

The bridge from online to offline isn't one way; we're not relegated to web-cam game hunting or street camera marriage proposals. It's nice to know that not all social activity has been relegated to blogs and chat rooms.

Chris Williams writes a weekly column for PopSyndicate. He spends his weekend indoors hiding from the angry sun.
Thanks to Laughing Squid for their kind permission to use this photo.

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