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A question about screenwriters and fame…

I’m in college learning how to write movies and I was wondering how long it takes someone to become a famous screenwriter?

Holden B., Blueface, NH

Dear Holden,

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha… ha… wheeze… choke… ha ha.

No, you deserve a better answer than that.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

That’s better.  Movies are not the place to make your mark in the world of the fame-worthy elite of the writing world.  You might hit gold in the arena of the novel where there’s primarily your sole name credited to authoring the book, but in the world of film, you’re just another face in a crowd. 

Sure, you might get some acknowledgement and respect from those in the film industry, but it’s usually just enough to keep getting you work.  Outside of Hollywood, there usually aren’t a lot of hardcore fans for a single name among hundreds rolling across the screen while theater-goers make a mad dash to the bathroom to relieve their bladders of that $20 jumbo soda. If you’re famous before you start writing or write and direct some movie that takes off as a money-hoarding multimedia franchise with an uber-loyal fanbase, you’ll probably have a shot at fame and groupies, but outside of that, the fame-bricked road is one rarely traveled by screenwriters.

In fact, the Jeopardy game show planned a themed "Famous Writers" week, but the first day covering screenwriters was such a disaster, they cancelled it and ran re-runs (which no one ever noticed were re-runs because there have been so many episodes).  It cost me a hefty price to get this (I can drink more without a liver, right?), but here it is for our readers… the transcript from that lost episode of Jeopardy!

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ANNOUNCER: He’s a dietary engineer with a collection of over four thousand movie posters.  From Boise, Idaho, please welcome Jon Stapleton!

ANNOUNCER: She’s a laboratory assistance engineer with a serious sweet tooth.  From Hershey, Pennsylvania, please welcome Shari Bittersworth!

ANNOUNCER: And she’s a theater customer relations engineer who heads up the largest movie fan club in America.  From Whittier, California, please welcome Carol Carolina!

ALEX TREBEK:  Welcome contestants and welcome everyone to a week dedicated to famous writers of the world.  Our all-writers week begins with those masterminds of Hollywood magic… the screenwriters.  Let’s take a look at our categories.

... OCSCAR-WORTHY

... SHAKE YOUR MONEY MAKER

... POTPOURRI

... BEGINS WITH ‘T’

... WRITER/DIRECTORS

... 80s 80s 80s

Jon, pick a category please.

JON: Thanks, Alex.  I’d like Oscar-Worthy for one-hundred.

ALEX: He was the writer behind the 1995 winner of the Best Picture Oscar, Braveheart.

BZZZT!

ALEX: Shari.

SHARI: Who is Mel Gibson?

ALEX: Sorry, that’s not correct.

BZZZT!

ALEX: Jon.

JON: Who is Steven Spielberg?

ALEX: That’s not the right answer.  Carol, would you like to answer?

CAROL: Who is Tom Clancy?

ALEX:  Ooh, sorry.  The correct answer was… who is Randall Wallace?  Jon, it’s back to you.

JON: I’ll take Shake Your Money Makers for one hundred, Alex.

ALEX: This writing duo has worked on such high-grossing movies as Aladdin, The Mask of Zorro, and Pirates of the Caribbean.

...

BZZZT!

ALEX: Jon.

JON: Who is Steven Spielberg?

ALEX: Sorry, that’s… not the correct duo.  Anyone else?

...

ALEX: Who are Terry Rossio and Ted Elliott?  Jon, pick again.

JON: Let’s try 80s 80s 80s for a hundred, Alex.

ALEX: His Lethal Weapon script took Hollywood by storm in the 80s and paved the way for three successful sequels.

BZZZT!

ALEX: Shari.

SHARI: Who is Mel Gibson?

ALEX: That’s not it.

BZZZT!

ALEX: Carol.

CAROL: Who is Ernest Hemingway?

ALEX: I’m afraid Mr. Hemingway wasn’t alive in the 1980s.

CAROL: I was thinking 1880s.

ALEX: He wasn’t alive then either.  Jon, would you care to guess?

JON: Who is Steven Spielberg?

ALEX: ...

ALEX: The correct answer is… who is Shane Black?

... [45 minutes later.] ...

ALEX: And our final answer is a Daily Double.  Jon, you have negative nine thousand six hundred dollars, but you can wager up to two thousand.  Shari is ahead of you by one thousand three hundred dollars.

JON: I’ll go for a thousand, Alex.

ALEX: Ahem.  Shari is ahead of you by one thousand three hundred dollars.

JON: Let’s make it twelve hundred then.

ALEX: Okay.  Fine.  Here’s your answer.  As a writer/director, he thrilled audiences with his popular tale from a galaxy far, far away—Star Wars.

JON: Who is S—

ALEX: It’s not Steven Spielberg.

JON: Uhh, hmm.  Who is… George… Lucas?

ALEX: Finally, that’s correct.  But since no one has a positive balance to wager with since no one else was able to answer any of the questions, there will be no final Jeopardy round.  Shari, you lost the least amount of money, so I guess you… win.   Show’s over everyone.  Good night.

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All material in The Creative Adviser is fictitious and intended solely for the purpose of entertainment. Names are fabricated and any similarity to real people or places is purely coincidental except in those cases where public figures are being satirized.