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Those of us in the know that have a MySpace account know certain things… or should. It is apparent that a lot of people on the site have no real clue when it comes to the following ten things Okay I admit it. I LIVE on MySpace. And seriously, everyone else does too. Well, the cool people anyway. I know of a few that will not get a page out of some weird principle but whatever. It is denial.

Those of us in the know that have a MySpace account know certain things… or should. It is apparent that a lot of people on the site have no real clue when it comes to the following ten things I discuss below.

But before I go into all of that I want to bring the rest of you up to date. This is why I have included a brief description of terms.

Tom: This is the guy supposedly running the entire site. He is automatically added as a friend of yours when you get an account. You can delete him but people rarely do. I also suspect that this is not a real human at all but a façade that a group of tech people use to give the site a more personal feel.

Bulletin: These are little notes that you can post once and everyone on your list can see but no one else can.

Comments: There are little messages you can put directly on a friends personal page for everyone to see

Douche bag: Most of the people I discuss below.



Reposted Bulletins from Tom:

I am so tired of seeing these things... “Tom needs you to forward this to all of your friends so he can see which accounts are active, if you do not he will delete you...”

Seriously, the guy runs the whole damn place… do you think he REALLY needs you and all your friends to forward some bulletin about ANYTHING? Do you look at your home page? There is this little grey box where at any damn time he can write a freaking novel and you would see it all right there. Stop reposting this crap. You look stupid.



Petitions For Charitable Organizations:

“If you put your name on this petition and send it to all your friends, the United Way will donate 5 cents per name collected…”

Hello dipwads! First of all, if in fact they did that how would they know that typed screen names on the computer actually constituted all of those people? Hell I could just sit and type all damn day and tell them it was a “signed petition”. Don’t be so damn gullible!

“But I’m helping people!”

You wanna help those in need? Go to the websites of these organizations directly (http://national.unitedway.org/) or any number of other reputable charities and donate the nickel yourself!

Cheap bastards.



“If You Love Jesus” bulletins:

While it is true that I do not happen to be Christian, I do not knock anyone’s faith as a personal rule. A person’s religion is sacred and should never be mocked.

That having been said… I would like the chance to say that these stupid bulletins where you try to guilt your online friends into reposting some stupid message by saying that if they do not do so they are denying The Lord and will burn in hell for all eternity are ridiculous and again, make you look much less intelligent for sending them.

Do you see a pattern here at all?




It is not just a breeding ground for pedophiles:

Every time I hear anything in the mainstream media about MySpace it is always the negative crap about dirty old men picking up 14 yr olds through the site. Which yeah, DOES happen. But then again it happens everywhere!!!

Here is a tip folks... WATCH YOUR DAMN KIDS! Be involved in their lives and look at their profiles. You know the old adage that you should know who your child’s friends are? Well that holds true online as well.

And to the young ladies out there. Don’t lie about your age and try to act older and be careful the details you give to people online about your life! Be smart!

On a personal note, if ONE more random guy messages me and wants me to call him Daddy I will kick them in the teeth!



Tom is not The Gestapo:

Often times I hear things about people having bulletins missing mysteriously or other such intrigue and the first thing they say is that Tom censored them. And yes, Myspace does censor pictures of lewd and sexual content and such as I think they should... but do you really think that Tom has this much time on his hands?

There are gazillion members on this site, seriously how stuck on yourself are you if you think the man sits there and reads everything you write. Every bulletin, blog and message and then just decide to censor it because he can. (Although I HAVE known of Moderators and Administrators on forums to do just that from time to time but I digress)

Point is, this is a huge site and as you all know it goes down often... stuff gets lost!! Don’t automatically assume it is some huge conspiracy.



Unexpected Error Messages:

Like I mentioned above, the site is down quite a bit. Something you would expect from such a huge site, but annoying none the less.

What gets me is the automated messages you get when this happens. Something like “An unexpected error has occurred, an email has been forwarded to technical support”

This is misleading. It SHOULD say:

“We totally knew this was going to happen and so did you. Keep trying to connect, technical support is whacking off to the Paris Hilton sex tape. They will fix it later.”



Chain letters suck:

Do you want to instantly piss off everyone on your list? Do one of those inane chain letter bulletins or comments. I personally hate those comment ones where you have to post it on someone else’s profile or you will get a tape worm and die or something.

Nothing says “I am a complete and utter imbecile” more than participating in such things




That hot half naked chick that wants to chat is NOT real:

Seriously guys, don’t be THAT stupid. If this girl was truly that hot and half naked and owned a cam would she seek YOU out just to befriend and show all of her naughty secrets for free?

Don’t nod your head yes!







Those stupid “Friend Test” bulletins:

As a personal rule, whenever any of my friends chooses to put up those “True Friends” bulletins where they start out with “let’s see who’s paying attention” and only those that repost are REAL friends.

Uh, look… I don’t know what crazy make-believe world YOU live in, but that is not the definition of a true friend. I really do not see me saying:

“You know, Stacey may have kidnapped my kid, stole my husband and pissed in my cornflakes… but she DID re post that bulletin so she is a real friend!”

If I won’t repost something for Jesus you better be damned sure I am not doing it for someone I only know in the cyber universe. It just wouldn’t be fair now would it??

Anyone that does that on my list gets deleted by me. No time for idiots.




I can quit at any time:

That is right, I am not addicted like everyone says. I can quit and walk away at any time.

I mean sure, I have to check my page at least four times a day and I feel guilty if I do not write a new blog every few days. I talk to my friends there more often than anyone in my real life and when it is down I damn near shed a tear…

But that is normal. It is healthy.

It is perfectly sane.

*twitches*

Okay so someone just posted a new comment on my page, I need to go check it.

Till next week folks.