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A question about who you know and what you know...

Is it true that "it’s not what you know, but who you know" that’ll get you a shot at breaking in?

Albert E., Princeton, NJ

Dear Albert,

We’re serious about getting proper answers for your questions here at The Creative Adviser, so we went all out and set up a proper test to finally get the definitive answer for this old saying.  To do this, we’ve gathered a group of producers and studio execs who have agreed to let us send two people to pitch to them.  As we give our producers a chance to enjoy the free coffee and breakfast bar, let’s meet our two lucky pitchers.

First off, we have Rhonda.  Rhonda has lived in Los Angeles for a number of years now working as an intern and administrative assistant for a few companies.  While she doesn’t have any formal training or schooling, she socializes at every convention and event for writers and is on a first name basis with a number of Hollywood types.  She hopes to finish her first spec screenplay soon and make her big break into the industry.

Next, we have Stucky.  Stucky hails from a farm just outside a one television town in the wilds of the Midwest.  He’s never been to any big city before so he’s as opposite to "well-connected" as we could find.  Stucky has read every book in his town’s library and writes down story after story into notebooks every night after his work on the farm.  He doesn’t own a computer or cell phone, but he does have an old movie projector that he uses once a month for a town potluck dinner theater night.  Don’t ask how we found this guy… it’s a trade secret.

Let’s get started, shall we?  Rhonda, are you ready for your big moment?

RHONDA: {wheeze} {wheeze} J… just a sec. {inhales} Okay, I’m ready.

Well, head on through that door and break a leg!

...

So… Stucky, what do you think of Los Angeles so far?

STUCKY: It’s a might bit cleaner in the movies.

Yeah, they have a special task force that goes out and cleans everything up before filming.

STUCKY: Dang, do they do barns too?  Cause mine sure could use a good scrubbin’ after Winter passes.

Uhh… I was just… I’ll see if I can find their number for you.

STUCKY: That’s mighty nice of you.

Hold on a moment.  It looks like she’s done.  That was quick, Rhonda—how did it go?

RHONDA: It was horrible.  Jason, who I had drinks with at the Screenwriter’s Expo one year, kept asking me all these detailed questions about my story.  I told them it wasn’t finished yet, but they kept asking about the details anyways.  I mean, how am I supposed to know how it ends when I’m not even done writing it yet?

So, they were grilling you on your story?

RHONDA: Yeah and that’s not even the worst part.  Elizabeth, who I met at dinner one time with a group of writer friends, asked me if I had anything else.  I’ve been working… no, slaving over this one story for years.  I’ve poured my heart and soul into it, and she wants to see if I have anything else?  Why do they have to be so mean?

Umm… okay.  Stucky, are you ready for your shot?

STUCKY: Sure am.

Then off you go.  Good luck.

...

So, Rhonda… what other questions did they ask you?

RHONDA: Joseph, who I also met at the Expo… or was he the one I did shots with at the Austin Film Festival after party?  Anyways, he kept badgering me for the short version of the story.  It’s a detailed story and there’s a lot of setup at the beginning.  There’s no way you could grasp the true nature of the story without all that build-up.  See, it’s a romance story that starts out in ancient France…

[An hour later.]

RHONDA: ... and she flees because she knows this guy was sent by the other guy to get her to cheat on him even though she’s known the whole time he’s been cheating on her with the stableboy’s sister’s best friend visiting from Spain.  Remember, she’s the one that—

Excuse me for a moment, Rhonda.  I’m just gonna check on Stucky real quick.

RHONDA: Oh, okay.

I’ll just be… a while.  Why don’t you go hang out in the lobby?  And ask my secretary for a nice, relaxing soda.  Make sure you phrase it just like that… nice, relaxing soda.

RHONDA: Sure, I—

Great. See you later.

SLAM!

How’s everything going in here?

STUCKY: Everything’s great.

JOSEPH: Yeah, this guy’s awesome.  He taught me how to make sure my butcher was giving me the best cuts of meat.

JASON: And my wife’s gonna flip over this new fertilizer mix for her garden.  It also doubles as an anti-wrinkle compound, so she can work in her garden and get younger looking hands.

ELIZABETH: He also knows his movies.  We were going through a scene from The African Queen line for line, and he didn’t miss a beat.

Does that mean you’re buying one of his stories?

JASON: Well… see… here’s the thing.  He’s too knowledgeable to just be a writer.  Just look at this guy.  Smart as hell.  Down home charm.  He’s like the Mr. Wizard of agriculture.  I’m thinking television series.  Then DVDs, interactive media, book deals, the works!

JOSEPH: What if he’s more like the Professor Bob of Survivor?

JASON: Ooo… reality TV series star.  Get the big media draw and if he manages to build up a captive audience, then launch him in his own series.  I like that low-risk approach.

ELIZABETH: Well, I love it.  Love, love, love it.

###

Well, there you go, Albert.  The… somewhat not-so-definitive answer to your question.  Our "who you know" person went home empty-handed and our "what you know" type gets… umm… tossed into the quagmire of reality television. So, I guess we can declare that test… well, didn’t really prove anything except that it can go over budget.  And as sure as my veins are full of whiskey, I can tell you those Hollywood types can demolish some free breakfast buffet quicker than zombies rounding up snacks at an MIT assembly.

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Got a question about breaking in for The Creative Adviser?  Ask away!  It might even get answered!

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All material in The Creative Adviser is fictitious and intended solely for the purpose of entertainment. Names are fabricated and any similarity to real people or places is purely coincidental except in those cases where public figures are being satirized.