About Jeffery Stevenson
Location: Austin, TX
Occupation: Database Consultant/Writer
Bio: Pop Syndicate's Creative Adviser is also the writer and letterer of the long-running twice weekly webcomic, Brat-halla (following the Norse gods during their elementary school days), which ran for a few years at Kevin Smith's MoviePoopShoot.com (and later, QuickStopEntertainment.com) and is currently hosted over at Graphic Smash. He was also the hired wordslinger for Jim Valentino's Task Force 1 from Shadowline/Image Comics.
To keep up with the rest of Jeff's insanity, feel free to check out his personal blog at Dark-n-Dam'd.
Posts: 36
More from this author
A question about getting some new blood into the industry...
I'm sick of seeing the same old things hashed out over-and-over again. Why don't they bring some young blood into the industry to shake things up?
Ollie J., Orlando, FL
Dear Ollie,
Who says the industries aren't bringing in youth to recharge the entertainment industry? One of my friends recently did an expose on a rising force in Hollywood called the "Scene Factory" that takes all that youthful energy and enthusiasm and harvests it into movie and TV scripts that are selling like hotcakes. Here's a transcript from when he crawled into the belly of the beast to show this new blood hard at work...
This week, I take a look inside the fortified walls of the infamous, "Scene Factory"--the company taking the supposed assembly line approach to cranking out movie and television scripts on demand and on the cheap. Some say they take advantage of teams of naive, hungry writers to produce screenplays with such low costs and short turnaround times that Hollywood is throwing more and more work their way. Yet no one knows the true inner workings of this rising juggernaut in the film industry. Until tonight.
Right now, I'm approaching the Scene Factory to tour the facility as part of an "investor walk-through". With luck, I should be able to get a peek at what really makes them tick.
...
And we're in. Here's our host with some of the details.
"As you can clearly see by the diagram here, our staff of collaboration managers work diligently to scour our database of registered writers to put together a team for each new project. The collaboration managers work with the team to hash out the plot for the stories, and they divide the various scenes amongst the team based on each writer's particular strengths. After all the scenes are completed, the manager pulls them all together and sends the draft out for each member of the team to review. This ensures--"
Blah, blah, blah. I'm a corporate spokesmonkey giving you the standard spiel listed on our website. I'm hear to bore you into submission and make your brain incapable of remembering any pertinent questions you might have had before arriving here.
I obviously won't find answers here. Now, that door I saw earlier that was tucked out of the way and labeled, "Restricted Access"... that might have some answers. I think it's time for a little restroom break.
...
And here we are. The door took a little effort since it was kept locked, but the effort was definitely worth it. I can actually hear dozens upon dozens of people skittering their fingers across keyboards up ahead. Looks like long hours is part of the business plan, and since we have people available, I think interviews are in--
Lord Almighty Christ on a pogo stick... I just... I couldn't have even imagined this. They have... there are kids... forty, maybe fifty kids chained to desks and slaving away on computer terminals. Young kids. Probably elementary school young. I'm gonna go get a closer look.
Definitely young children being exploited here. They have them broken up into two-kid teams from what I can see. One types away transcribing what the other one is viewing on a monitor as they run an endless loop of barely watched TV shows and films. So far, I've only been able to identify a few shows like Witchblade, Chuck Norris' Karate Kommandos, and The Charmings. On the film front, I've seen them pouring through From Justin to Kelly, Gigli, Teen Wolf Too, and BloodRayne. It's like they're filtering individual scenes through the minds of these children to get fairly generic, reusable scenes afterwards that they can piece together into new movies.
But it's taking its toll. Children with blistered hands and strained eyes. And the mental trauma--in my short time observing, I've already seen a few kids hit with tranquilizer guns after they snapped and went into disruptive temper-tantrums.
...
After discovering a hallway on the opposite end of their scene "recycling" room, I stumbled across a street team of kids reporting in to a couple of adults. Let's see if my microphone can pick any of this up.
"What the heck was that? It doesn't make any kind of sense whatsoever. What were these people doing when they said that?"
"Well, they were sitting next to each other in a booth at the mall food court. All they got for lunch were these big, grilled sausages, and--"
"Oh... ooooh. Okay, I see where that came from now. That's good. Keep this up, and you'll be working in the Creativity Chamber in no time. Good job everyone. Take a quick break and then it's back on the streets for you. Except Joey. Joey, we need to talk."
"Y-yes... sir."
"You better not be holding out on me, boy. Do I need to show you the pictures of what happened to Frank? Do you want that happening to you?"
"No... s-sir. It's just... it's just I can't repeat it in front of... well, the other boys."
Dammit, don't whisper it to him kid. Speak up so I can pick it up with this crappy microphone. Oh well, I think I've heard enough. Seems like they're threatening the kids into going out and picking up dialogue from heavily trafficked areas. Taking advantage of the youngsters' parrot reflex of repeating the bad stuff they hear. It's almost as crafty as it is wrong.
Now, what's the deal with this Creativity Chamber he mentioned?
...
Deep within the compound is a room where some of the kids get to play. Well, play is being nice. They jack them up on a ton of cheap sugar to "free their imagination"--the stuff's probably concentrated sugary junk cast aside from various candy factories. Can't be good for them at all. Looks like they get them wound up and toss them into a room with props scattered about and three of the walls made completely of whiteboard. The other wall is see-through glass. They have a session going on right now, so let's see if we can
"And then... then... then the space monkey cowboy uses a... he uses an asteroid as a horse and rides it around to Mars and Pluto and races around the rings of Saturn. And then these aliens--"
"Dressed up like bumblebees!"
"Yeah, dressed up like bumblebees. They're bad aliens."
"Robbing banks!"
"Robbing galaxy banks and our space monkey cowboy is really a... really... he's a sheriff who has to stop them. With his puppy sidekick. And they do... and he wins the love of the space princess whose daddy owns the banks. And they live happily ever after."
"It's a good start Cindy, but it's too Disney. We need something edgier. Give me something more Nickelodeon. Let's start from--
"Hey! What are you doing over there?!"
Time to go.
...
Bigfoot held them off long enough for the Troll Prince, Optimus Prime and me to make it inside the Great Pink Sea Snail. We're home free now moving along the bottom of the ocean, but too bad about Bigf... too bad about... where did Optimus... and the snail... and... what was I--
Uggh... my head. I shouldn't have tried that cheap sugar. I guess I was able to escape, but it looks like they cleared everything out before I could show anyone. Dammit, I really should think about investing in a video camera like everyone else.
Wait... there's someone still here. It's a little boy, and he's crying. What's wrong little boy? Did you get left behind?
"You're the #*$#@* that made them take it all down!"
Ow!
"You ruined my Hollywood career, you &%&#*$!"
Ollie J., Orlando, FL
Dear Ollie,
Who says the industries aren't bringing in youth to recharge the entertainment industry? One of my friends recently did an expose on a rising force in Hollywood called the "Scene Factory" that takes all that youthful energy and enthusiasm and harvests it into movie and TV scripts that are selling like hotcakes. Here's a transcript from when he crawled into the belly of the beast to show this new blood hard at work...
This week, I take a look inside the fortified walls of the infamous, "Scene Factory"--the company taking the supposed assembly line approach to cranking out movie and television scripts on demand and on the cheap. Some say they take advantage of teams of naive, hungry writers to produce screenplays with such low costs and short turnaround times that Hollywood is throwing more and more work their way. Yet no one knows the true inner workings of this rising juggernaut in the film industry. Until tonight.
Right now, I'm approaching the Scene Factory to tour the facility as part of an "investor walk-through". With luck, I should be able to get a peek at what really makes them tick.
...
And we're in. Here's our host with some of the details."As you can clearly see by the diagram here, our staff of collaboration managers work diligently to scour our database of registered writers to put together a team for each new project. The collaboration managers work with the team to hash out the plot for the stories, and they divide the various scenes amongst the team based on each writer's particular strengths. After all the scenes are completed, the manager pulls them all together and sends the draft out for each member of the team to review. This ensures--"
Blah, blah, blah. I'm a corporate spokesmonkey giving you the standard spiel listed on our website. I'm hear to bore you into submission and make your brain incapable of remembering any pertinent questions you might have had before arriving here.
I obviously won't find answers here. Now, that door I saw earlier that was tucked out of the way and labeled, "Restricted Access"... that might have some answers. I think it's time for a little restroom break.
...
And here we are. The door took a little effort since it was kept locked, but the effort was definitely worth it. I can actually hear dozens upon dozens of people skittering their fingers across keyboards up ahead. Looks like long hours is part of the business plan, and since we have people available, I think interviews are in--
Lord Almighty Christ on a pogo stick... I just... I couldn't have even imagined this. They have... there are kids... forty, maybe fifty kids chained to desks and slaving away on computer terminals. Young kids. Probably elementary school young. I'm gonna go get a closer look.
Definitely young children being exploited here. They have them broken up into two-kid teams from what I can see. One types away transcribing what the other one is viewing on a monitor as they run an endless loop of barely watched TV shows and films. So far, I've only been able to identify a few shows like Witchblade, Chuck Norris' Karate Kommandos, and The Charmings. On the film front, I've seen them pouring through From Justin to Kelly, Gigli, Teen Wolf Too, and BloodRayne. It's like they're filtering individual scenes through the minds of these children to get fairly generic, reusable scenes afterwards that they can piece together into new movies.But it's taking its toll. Children with blistered hands and strained eyes. And the mental trauma--in my short time observing, I've already seen a few kids hit with tranquilizer guns after they snapped and went into disruptive temper-tantrums.
...
After discovering a hallway on the opposite end of their scene "recycling" room, I stumbled across a street team of kids reporting in to a couple of adults. Let's see if my microphone can pick any of this up.
"What the heck was that? It doesn't make any kind of sense whatsoever. What were these people doing when they said that?"
"Well, they were sitting next to each other in a booth at the mall food court. All they got for lunch were these big, grilled sausages, and--"
"Oh... ooooh. Okay, I see where that came from now. That's good. Keep this up, and you'll be working in the Creativity Chamber in no time. Good job everyone. Take a quick break and then it's back on the streets for you. Except Joey. Joey, we need to talk."
"Y-yes... sir."
"You better not be holding out on me, boy. Do I need to show you the pictures of what happened to Frank? Do you want that happening to you?"
"No... s-sir. It's just... it's just I can't repeat it in front of... well, the other boys."
Dammit, don't whisper it to him kid. Speak up so I can pick it up with this crappy microphone. Oh well, I think I've heard enough. Seems like they're threatening the kids into going out and picking up dialogue from heavily trafficked areas. Taking advantage of the youngsters' parrot reflex of repeating the bad stuff they hear. It's almost as crafty as it is wrong.
Now, what's the deal with this Creativity Chamber he mentioned?
...
Deep within the compound is a room where some of the kids get to play. Well, play is being nice. They jack them up on a ton of cheap sugar to "free their imagination"--the stuff's probably concentrated sugary junk cast aside from various candy factories. Can't be good for them at all. Looks like they get them wound up and toss them into a room with props scattered about and three of the walls made completely of whiteboard. The other wall is see-through glass. They have a session going on right now, so let's see if we can
"And then... then... then the space monkey cowboy uses a... he uses an asteroid as a horse and rides it around to Mars and Pluto and races around the rings of Saturn. And then these aliens--"
"Dressed up like bumblebees!"
"Yeah, dressed up like bumblebees. They're bad aliens."
"Robbing banks!"
"Robbing galaxy banks and our space monkey cowboy is really a... really... he's a sheriff who has to stop them. With his puppy sidekick. And they do... and he wins the love of the space princess whose daddy owns the banks. And they live happily ever after."
"It's a good start Cindy, but it's too Disney. We need something edgier. Give me something more Nickelodeon. Let's start from--
"Hey! What are you doing over there?!"
Time to go.
...
Bigfoot held them off long enough for the Troll Prince, Optimus Prime and me to make it inside the Great Pink Sea Snail. We're home free now moving along the bottom of the ocean, but too bad about Bigf... too bad about... where did Optimus... and the snail... and... what was I--Uggh... my head. I shouldn't have tried that cheap sugar. I guess I was able to escape, but it looks like they cleared everything out before I could show anyone. Dammit, I really should think about investing in a video camera like everyone else.
Wait... there's someone still here. It's a little boy, and he's crying. What's wrong little boy? Did you get left behind?
"You're the #*$#@* that made them take it all down!"
Ow!
"You ruined my Hollywood career, you &%&#*$!"
####
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All material in The Creative Adviser is fictitious and intended solely for the purpose of entertainment. Names are fabricated and any similarity to real people or places is purely coincidental except in those cases where public figures are being satirized.
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Yeah, you’re back. Great column!