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When I was three I learned how to read. An obsession with smut was soon to follow, tragic proof that books are a bad influence with nothing positive in mind for the reader. During a brief childhood stint, I attempted to convince myself that I liked the taste of blood. Tragically, I was lying, and eventually faced the fact that licking a well-scratched mosquito bite was akin to having a mouthful of old pennies.

I am now a thirty year old college student with a surly attitude and a penchant for laughing at nothing, particularly when I’m at the grocery store and my blood sugar is low. I’m hoping to graduate in the next two years or so, then I will get a job in my field, buy a house, and never come out of it again.