This may be a bit long, but it’s my absolute favorite so I was generous. Feel free to edit accordingly.
Episode 18 (‘The Greatest Show’) - duration - 1:17:11
-Around 13:20, Kelley remarks, “This is the greatest show.”-
Matt, Amy, Kelley, Freddy, Ryan (and also, Kelley again)
The show begins with Ryan ‘being mean.’ Kelley is gasping for air. Freddy tells the listener that the reason they are all laughing is that Kelley said he would like to see a brawl break out, and Ryan responded, ‘Why? Do you want to see me standing on a pile of your bodies?’ Freddy said, ‘Ha ha, Ryan. That’s so funny. The first time I heard it, I fell off my dinosaur and broke my stone underwear,’ which is a joke he learned when he was 7 years old.
They tell us that the show is most definitely not scripted. Kelley can’t see the teleprompter.
News –
-Snakes on a Plane [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0417148/] is not doing so well in the box office.
-Silent Hill still sucks.
-Leaked spoilers from the Day of the Dead remake [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0489018/] – an actor who plays ‘Bud’(Bub?) blogs about the movie which is apparently wildly different from the original. They discuss the possibility of a hoax.
-The crew, on a tangent, begin to discuss the book Bunnicula, and also the pseudo-porno, Bunlickula.
-‘I’m a Feastwatcha!’ The movie Feast now has a MySpace page that you can be friends with!
There seems to be a missing piece of the episode because all of a sudden, the crew is discussing porno theatres.
[13:33] Amy’s Book Corner – Amy talks about World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War, which is not two books, in fact but one – it has a colon and some extra. Matt also has a colon and some extra. In fact, he has another rectum that goes the other way; he has two! He also does not have a cecum because that sounds kinda gay to him. Random BS’ing:
“So books…”
“I can’t wait to…talk about books.”
“Dragon Ball Z…. War Z.”
“Max Brooks. He writes books, y’all. Max Brooks. He writes books, y’all.”
Freddy tells the listener about a myspace friend who has a ghost story that is told through a forum/internet page, that the reader pieces together, kind of like Bram Stoker’s Dracula.
The crew sings ‘Reading Rainbow’ in celebration. Freddy sings the Michael McDonald/Aaron Neville version.
[17:52] Russian Roulette - Dead Man Walking [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0473348/] ‘starring nobody you’ve ever heard of.’ Not a recommend.
NOTLP would like to remind you that chocolate syrup is a great blood effect… if your movie is in black and white.
Anywho, the movie is about a man infected with a zombie virus who is contained by the CDCdeeznuts in a maximum security prison before he turns. He infects a bunch of people and apparently everyone dies.
Nudity? Yes, but it’s not worth it.
Question - “What is the name of the condition often thought to be the basis –”
“Lycanthropy!”
“ – of the werewolf legend that causes excessive hair growth all over the body?”
Answer - It is not lycanthropy, but hypertricosis. No one gets it.
Second question - Actor, Brian Thompson who starred on the werewolf TV series also appeared on two sci-fi cult TV shows. What were they? X-files! Tie breaker – What is Amy’s middle name? Matt wins with ‘Amy Rose.’
[33:36] Kelley has erotic fanart on werewolftv.com. No joke.
Freddy loses RR and has to watch Fright Club [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0780520/] for next week.
Kelley’s drawing has apparently been removed from the site, and the boys discuss the logistics of titty-f’ing a werewolf with your friends (six titties). It’s called a Swiss Black Hole – when you and your buddy thrust and counterthrust at the same time and open a black hole.
[38:20] Also, Freddy, Amy, and Matt watched Sssssss! [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070622/] which is about a young man who is slowly being tuned into a snake. The filmmakers claim that all the snakes in this movie are real, and there is a sweet fight between a mongoose and a snake, and an even sweeter homoerotic shower scene. The crew thinks they really blew a snake’s head off with a gun.
[46:05] Dun-da-da-Dah! The Werewolf Contingency Plan!
Kelley has notes! He crinkles them, much to Amy’s dismay.
‘When you are faced with a werewolf problem’ there are apparently two problems, and two ways to deal with it… and also two ways to deal with the second problem. Which leads us to Tip # 1: ‘Never stop to do math when faced with a werewolf.’ Also, if you can, make a girl werewolf out of dynamite.
Problem #1: If you are bitten – some signs: Waking up naked in strange places, covered in blood or with a ‘strange human-y taste in your mouth’ (You’re either a werewolf, or it’s the monthlies). Discovering random body parts around your general area. Discovering a pentagram on your palm around the full moon that bleeds, means you may be turning soon (so ‘assume the position’).
So if this is the case, you’ll want to find the head of your bloodline and kill them.
A short break for mentioning that next week will be the Alf contingency plan (hide the cats).
If you can’t kill the head of your bloodline, you’ll have to kill yourself or have a loved one do it for you, because that’s how Kelley’s plans roll.
If you don’t mind being a werewolf, just enjoy the ride, however, ‘the first thing you have to do is admit you’re a werewolf.’ They have a patch for the eating people problem, but it’s only for flying purple people-eaters, not land-based.
(cont)
