This kind of old but I just heard it. It’s damn funny.
NOTE: The following is a transcript of an audio file.
Dispatcher: Sheriff’s department, how can I help you?
Woman: Yeah, I’m over here . . . I’m over here at Burger King right here in San Clemente.*
Dispatcher: Uh-huh.
Woman: Um, no, not San Clemente; I’m sorry, I live in San Clemente. I’m in Laguna Niguel, I think, that’s where I’m at.
Dispatcher: Uh-huh.
Woman: I’m at a drive-through right now.
Dispatcher: Uh-huh.
Woman: I went . . . I ordered my food three times. They’re mopping the floor inside, and I understand they’re busy . . . they’re not even busy, okay, I’ve been the only car here. I asked them four different times to make me a Western Barbeque Burger. Okay, they keep giving me a hamburger with lettuce, tomato, and cheese, onions, and I said, “I’m not leaving . . .”
Dispatcher: Uh-huh.
Woman: I want a Western Burger because I just got my kids from Tae Kwon Do, they’re hungry, I’m on my way home, and I live in San Clemente.
Dispatcher: Uh-huh.
Woman: Okay . . . she said, she gave me another hamburger; it’s wrong. I said four times, I said, “I want it to go. Can you go out and park in front?” I said, “No, I want my hamburger right.” So then the . . . the lady came to the manager. She . . . well whoever she is, she came up and she said, um, she said, um, “Do you want your money back?” And I said, “No, I want my hamburger. My kids are hungry and I have to jump on that toll freeway.” I said, “I am not leaving this spot,” and I said, “I will call the police,” because I want my Western Burger done right! Now is that so hard?
Dispatcher: Okay, what exactly is it you want us to do for you?
Woman: I . . . send an officer down here. I . . . I want them to make me . . .
Dispatcher: Ma’am, we’re not gonna go down there and enforce your Western Bacon Cheeseburger.
Woman: What am I supposed to do?
Dispatcher: This is . . . this is between you and the manager. We’re not gonna go and enforce how to make a hamburger; that’s not a criminal issue. There’s . . . there’s nothing criminal there.
Woman: So I just stand here . . . so I just sit here and [block]?
Dispatcher: You . . . you need to calmly and rationally speak to the manager and figure out what to do between you.
Woman: She did come up, and I said, “Can I please have my Western Burger?” She . . . she said, “I’m not dealing with it,” and she walked away. Because they’re mopping the floor, and it’s also the fact that they don’t want to . . . they don’t want to go through there . . . and . . . and . . .
Dispatcher: Ma’am, then I suggest you get your money back and go somewhere else. This is . . . this is not a criminal issue. We can’t go out there and make them make you a cheeseburger the way you want it.
Woman: Well . . . that is . . . that . . . you’re supposed to be here to protect me.
Dispatcher: Well, what are we protecting you from, a wrong cheeseburger?
Woman: No . . .
Dispatcher: Is this like . . . is this a harmful cheeseburger or something? I don’t understand what you want us to do.
Woman: Just come down here. I’m not . . . I’m not leaving.
Dispatcher: No ma’am, I’m not sending the deputies down there over a cheeseburger. You need to go in there and act like an adult and either get your money back or go home.
Woman: She is not acting like an adult herself! I’m sitting here in my car; I just want them to make my kids a . . . a Western Burger.
Dispatcher: Ma’am, this is what I suggest: I suggest you get your money back from the manager and you go on your way home.
Woman: Okay.
Dispatcher: Okay? Bye-bye.
