At the time, I thought the scariest thing I’d ever seen was the President - who I DIDN’T vote for, for what it’s worth now - on CNN, saying, “We just don’t know… we just don’t understand.” They cut to the head of the CDC and the Surgeon General, who gave us a lot of technobabble but inevitably, all signs pointed to, “We don’t know why they’re rising. Just get the hell away from them if you see them.”
Some conspiracy websites claimed it was all engineered by the government as a way of killing off the welfare families, since the economy was so bad that we couldn’t feed them anymore. I have serious doubts, but then again, who knows? I’ve seen the dead walk; I may be inclined to believe anything. All I know is that when it spread, it spread fast.
My husband is trapped in Manhattan. I laugh bitterly at this, because to the borough of Queens, Manhattan was where we all go to work. Now, it’s a scary island of the unknown. The last thing I heard from him was two weeks ago. I had taken a day off - a mental health day, promised the kids Mommy’d pick them up from school early and take them to a movie. Thank God I did - what would have happened to my babies otherwise? I don’t even want to think it. I don’t know what happened to the other children; children my kids played with, knew the names of - I can’t think of it, or I’ll lose what little I have holding me together. My boys are safe. I will keep them safe.
He called, panicked. “Are you okay? ARE YOU OKAY? WHERE ARE THE BOYS?” I had them, we were packing what we could fit into our backpacks. My five year old stuffed his stuffed dog, Rover, into his Clone Wars backpack and I moaned in despair. “GODDAMMIT, ARE THE BOYS OKAY?”
“We’re… here. We’re coming.”
“NO! You cannot come here! We’ve closed off the floor, there are a good 25 of us here. We’re taking care of ourselves. Just… go somewhere. Keep the boys safe. I love you. Always.”
I haven’t heard from him since. Occasionally, I get a bar or two’s worth of signal, but I lose it just as I hit ‘send’.
So here I am, Warrior Mom. The part I thought I’d only play in my own imagination. I lead my two children into battle. I have killed people, both alive and undead, to protect my children. We have made our way to Long Island City, which looks like the worst pictures of war-torn Belfast I remember as a child. We are making our way to the 59th Street Bridge, which will take us to the scary island. But my children want their Daddy, and I want my husband. I have killed for them. I will kill for him.
“Momma,” my nine-year old says. My poor baby. He has grown up years in just two weeks’ time. I stroke his face. “What, baby?”
He hands me a PowerBar. “You haven’t eaten today. You can’t get sick. You can’t be slow.”
My five-year old looks at me. “No more monsters, Mommy. Two days.”
I nod at them both, taking the PowerBar from my older boy’s hands. “No monsters, baby. Soon. The Army will help us.” I tell them that the Army is coming to give them hope. We did see one tank roll by us in Woodside, so who knows? It was all I could do to pull the boys back, lest we be seen. I don’t want to be seen.
Finally, we arrive at the foot of the bridge. Cars have been abandoned in the street. There is blood everywhere. But no bodies.
“Momma.” It’s my nine-year old again. “Look!”
He’s holding a cell phone. It’s got their pictures on the screen. Oh, God. He was so close to home. Please, God, if you still exist, tell me he just dropped it. Please tell me he’s here, looking for us. Tell me anything.
I fall to my knees and weep.