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A new, prehistoric hero rises. It’s not Barney Rubble, but just as memorable.

A character from the cult classic Ron Howard film Night Shift says quite seriously: “Oh, that Barney Rubble. What an actor.” Mr. Rubble’s stellar acting techniques aside, the new prehistoric drama 10,000 B.C. is action at its best, acting at its blandest and a story uninspired enough to make even the Flintstones look good. Familiar, fast-paced fun and overloaded with eye-popping CG effects, this story about a prehistoric hero on mission to save the future of ancient civilization will please the mainstream crowd eagerly awaiting the next 300. 10,000 isn’t 300, though it feels borrowed from as many other movies.
10,000 B.C is set in an ancient remote mountain tribe, where D’Leh ( Steven Strait ) has found the love of his life, the beautiful Evolet (Camilla Belle). However, some evil Arab-looking warlords and slave raider trash their village and kidnap Evolet for use as a slave. D’Leh takes a small band of warriors with him on an adventure to save Evolet.
As they venture into unknown lands for the first time, the group discovers there are civilizations beyond their own and that mankind’s reach is far greater than they ever knew. They join up with other tribes and soon discover that along with Evolet, there are thousands being brutally abused as slaves to help a tyrannical god build his empire. Civilization’s everywhere hangs in the balance as D’Leh realizes he’s been sent to rescue not just Evolet, but mankind as a whole.
10,000 B.C. is as ridiculous as it sounds, ripping off countless other movies in the process, among them Braveheart (the impassioned speech before a group of soldiers), to The Scorpion King (desert warrior rises up against evil forces) to even The Lion King (father-son issues). Directed and co-written by Roland Emmerich, who helmed Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow, credit him for the dull, flat story and second-rate acting by attractive unknowns Strait and Belle, who with tans and worked-out bodies are among the best-looking cavepersons ever seen. Keep in mind that 10,000 B.C.’s likely (though probably fleeting) popularity at the box office won’t come from its story or acting.
Much like Emmerich’s other popcorn flicks, 10,000 B.C. comes with a tremendous amount of impressive CG effects and action sequences that definitely highlight the film. One scene in particular, with Strait and his men running from a group of enormous ostrich-like creatures, is breathtakingly intense. And the CG tiger creature roaming around is appropriately mean and fangy, though his appearance far too brief (and tremendously unreal but still fun). Moreover, it’s all handsomely photographed, mostly in New Zealand , with both desert and snowy landscapes adding picturesque textures. Outside of the action, the absurdity of the story line may generate more uninintentional laughs than any intended poignancy.
At least 10,000 B.C.’s hammy, unnecessary narration does come from a distinguished source in Lawrence of Arabia’s Omar Sharif. His overdone voice work makes the story even more preposterous, and difficult to buy into its biblical notions of a savior, especially the shallow but muscle-glistening Strait.
While spending gazillions of the studio’s money, Emmerich could’ve used a better cast for 10,000 B.C.  Casting at least one major star (a Mel Gibson, a Will Smith – even a Dennis Quaid or gasp – The Rock) or a respected one like Sharif in a supporting role could’ve generated more interest in the banal proceedings. If nothing else, a nifty bit of casting could’ve even been Raquel Welch in an older version of her One Million Years B.C. role - at least the laughs would’ve been intentional. (Not to be confused with that film – no dinosaurs here – but plenty of other unhappy creatures to watch out for.)
10,000 B.C’s busy, special-effects laden finale is one that Emmerich could’ve only dreamed up, as thousands of slaves finally rebel against the evil god to save mankind. That sequence bears a striking resemblance to Gibson’s Apocalypto, but with remarkably toned-down PG-13-style bloodless violence.
One thing is for sure, 10,000 B.C. will please many in the ADD MTV set, satisfying them until the next big CG adventure drops in (by the way, all of this film pales in comparison to the exciting trailers for the new Indiana Jones movie). In the meantime, they’ll have to settle for loads of yabba-dabba fun from the primordial, legendary acting duo of Barney Rubble and Fred Flintstone, as memorable as anything in 10,000 B.C.

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