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A convention virgin examines how in a world of Storm Troopers and Steam Punks, he became the nerd.  Part II in a multi-part series on Dragon*Con Atlanta ‘09.  By Weller

I don’t “get” nerds.  I never have and I never will.  Sure, if I had the ability to change our world I would.  There is a long list of things I would eliminate, but that doesn’t mean I would start from scratch.  I nearly died the other day when a high school cheerleader with oily skin and atrocious taste in music decided a text message from a guy (probably flipping burgers for minimum wage that she will one day regret taking to senior prom) was more important than keeping her car on the road.  Lately I feel cell phones cause more problems then they solve, but that doesn’t mean that I will abandon the human race, move into my mom’s basement and transform myself into an online creature that will unite with other beasts to eventually rule an imaginary planet with fourteen moons.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not an elitist- to each their own, but sci-fi, comics, role playing, and online communities are not for me.  The strange thing is that as I’m currently typing this very column I am increasingly aware of my status as one of the biggest nerds at Dragon Con.  How is this possible?  Easy.  I am now the social outcast, the guy that can’t relate to the “cool” kids.  Sure, I can keep quiet and attempt to become a poser nerd, but my cover is blown like clockwork every five minutes as a famous celebrity I don’t know or recognize walks right past me and the crowd goes nuts as I stand in the dust looking lost and confused.  Busted.  My last ditch effort to fit in at the bar seemed to be going well (I do know my beer) until I was approached by an attractive, flirty female who asked me who I wanted to see/meet at the con.  I contemplated naming a celeb from a poster I saw earlier in the day only to realize I had no idea what they were famous for.  I can’t even get a girl here (they are plentiful, sexy, and surprisingly friendly). I am now officially a nerd.  There is no hiding it anymore.

Dragon Con is nerd nirvana.  All are welcome here, be it nerd, geek, punk, goth, emo, or steam punk (don’t ask- I’m still trying to figure that one out).  If you have ever felt like you don’t quite fit in this is the place for you.  The second you see someone or something that you find strange you see something stranger.  In a half hour span I saw a demon answer her cell phone with a rather chipper “hello mother,” a storm trooper hold open a door for a fairy, and a father use his young son as an excuse to photograph scantily clad women.

Life in this new world where nerd is normal isn’t so bad.  In fact it’s kind of growing on me.  Where else can you clothe yourself in duct tape, cardboard, and acrylic paint and wow the masses with your style sensibilities?  The beer’s cold, the villains are polite, and no one is trying to debate whether it was Clinton or Bush who got us into this economic mess.  As of right now life is about having a good time and nerd or not we can all appreciate that.  In fact, in times like these we need this.

Dwight Schultz, Dirk Benedict, and Slutty Dorothy…Oh My.

Find out how a first time con attendee lost his virginity.

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