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I’m struggling very hard not to make the terrible reviewer-style pun, saying, “‘P2?’ More like ‘Pee-YOO!!”

But here it is.

P2?  More like “Pee-YOO!!”

P2 is the latest psychological thriller from Alexandre Aja, who brought us the likes of High Tension and The Hills Have Eyes remake. One might expect some original thrills and twists, but sadly, with the exception of the parking garage setting, P2 is about about as original as a baloney sandwich.

On Christmas Eve in New York City, Angela, a beautiful young corporate go-getter, played by Rachel Nichols, works so late at the office that she is the last person left in the building.  Or so it seems.  When she finally heads to her car, she discovers that not only will it not start, she has also been locked inside the parking facility. Hope appears to arrive in the form of Thomas, a seeming helpful security guard, played by Wes Bentley.  It’s not long before he’s got her knocked out and tied up in a Christmas dinner scene, somewhat reminiscent of “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.” Thomas, not surprisingly, is a psychopath who has orchestrated the whole set-up, and all he wants for Christmas....is Angela.

While this could have been a great set-up for a mental cat-and-mouse game, the story just fizzles. Rachel Nichols is nice to look at, seems to be a decent actor, and she tries admirably to salvage something out of Angela, but the character’s behavior is so moronic that it is hard to muster up any sympathy for her.

Thomas is given no back story at all, and while this is not always a bad thing, in this case a little “why” would have gone a long way.  There’s no motive given except that he just wants Angela, and Bentley’s performance does little to fill in the blanks.  There’s a lot of over-the-top histrionics and teeth-gnashing, but you never really get a sense of who this character is at all, much less why he does what he does.

But just to show you that he’s really crazy, we find out late in the film that he’s an Elvis impersonator. 

Yeah...you heard me.

I find when you have a story with only two characters in it, it drains most of the suspense out of it.  Since there’s essentially no one else in the film, you know no one’s in any serious peril up until the last reel, and in the case of P2, getting there is just boring.

Also, the screenplay assumes its audience is stupid, time and time again.  For instance, it’s established early on that Angela can’t get cell phone reception in the depths of the garage.  Later, Thomas has her call her family to cancel their Christmas plans on a working land line phone in his office.  Later still, attempting to escape, Angela noticeably forgoes using the functional land line, and instead has to perform a treacherous tightrope act over the office furniture to avoid being ripped about by Thomas’ attack dog...all to get to her cell phone which we already know doesn’t work! 

P2 is filled with huge logic lapses like this which culminate in a scene involving an elevator and a fire hose which works quite well comically, but is simply ludicrous in any sort of serious thriller.

While there is a nice bit of grisly gore involving one of Angela’s co-workers, there is not a moment of genuine suspense or surprise anywhere in P2. 

For extras, P2 comes with an audio commentary and three documentaries, but, honestly, everyone involved is so honestly convinced there were working on something truly original and revolutionary, they are just embarrassing to watch, making me wonder what went wrong.

...Did I mention the killer’s an Elvis impersonator???

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