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So you’ve got vagina dentata…the important thing to remember is to floss regularly. 

I watch a lot of movies but I rarely look forward to many of them.  When I heard the premise for Teeth, I was excited and couldn’t wait to see it.  From every review I had read of the theatrical release, I knew it would a good time.  Then I got my hands on the DVD and early popped it into the DVD player.  While it wasn’t exactly what I was expecting, Teeth did not disappoint.  Not since the killer penis in Entrails of a Beautiful Woman has genitals been this foreboding. 

There is no killer penis here but you will a castrating toothy vagina.  For those of you uncomfortable with the word “vagina”, I suggest you grow up, but for the sake of the review and fun of the reviewer, the word “vagina” will be replaced with colorful euphemisms.  Reviewers don’t get these chances very often. 

Teeth isn’t so much a horror film but a dark comedy with horror elements that plays off of ancient myths.  As a young girl, Dawn (Jess Weixler) learns that she might be a little different from others.  The older she gets, the more repressed she becomes.  As a teenager, she leads an abstinence group that stresses purity called The Promise.  Now that she’s close to graduation and purer than pure, all the boys find her a prime catch and want to pluck her maidenhood.  And pursue her they do.  Poor Dawn goes from one male after another who tries to rape, molest or generally force himself on her.  What they don’t know is that Dawn’s cherry comes with bite.  From born-again virgin Tobey (Hale Appleman) to her creepy stepbrother Brad (John Hensley), they all want a bite of Dawn’s taco.  Only this time the taco will eat them.

After the first mishap, Dawn runs to the library and discovers the myth of vagina dentate (Latin for “toothed vagina”).  The concept is centuries old and comes from the primitive masculine dread of women and losing their virginity.  The myth foretells of men making the epic journey back to the womb to become a hero and conqueror of his enemy.  Writer/director Mitchell Lichtenstein takes the myth and spins it in a different direction.  Instead of a man conquering the all devouring hole, the hole devours the evil and ultimately becomes a female empowerment movie.

As a horror film, it’s pretty light.  Teeth is more of a comedy with horror overtones then an out and out horror film.  Of course nothing is scarier than a toothed va-jay-jay.  Horror fans won’t be disappointed at the copious amounts of hemorrhaging wieners and women will enjoy it for the same reason.

Lichtenstein provides an interesting audio commentary and provides lots of bits on the filming process, the use of imagery and symbolism and some info on the music used.  There is a behind the scenes featurette with interviews with several members of the cast and crew.  The best bit being prosthetic effects supervisor Doug Field talking about creating a severed penis.  It’s rougher to watch than the movie.  Rounding out the extras are a few deleted scenes with optional commentary and a few trailers.

What could have been a cheap exploitive movie is a well done black comedy with lots to say about society and basic human fears.  The director did a great job with the material and looks to have a promising future.  While the movie isn’t for everyone, I would highly recommend to those that it does appeal to snatch it up. 

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