PopSyndicate.com

It’s Episode 2 and I’ve given up all hope of this not sucking… an hour ago… let’s just get this over with already. The Prisoner (2009) Episode 2.
However, maybe a blessing, a bit of light shines as we finally figure out what Number Six was before the Village (and a hint as to why his resigning was as bad as McGoohan up and quitting the agency in the original).

Once again we find Number Six lying in the desert suffering from memory flashes as he lies about trying to escape.
Hmm… escape… sounds good.

So what have we figured out already from the series to date?
First off it’s a dull information overload of content and shadows trying to be the original and failing miserably.
As for standing on it’s own legs it’s too much info overload, too much rough stuff, too much nonsense and too obsessed with The Village and how he can’t escape the Village without even getting to the meat and potatoes of the matter, mainly WHY he was brought to the Village in the first place. What job did he “resign” from, and why is he so important that he has to be locked away in the Village (and what are they trying to get out of him?)

In this episode they bring in Number Six’ bro and his family… strange though since I didn’t know I needed to know what was the dynamics of Number Six’ family life (or the even more twisted dynamics of numerical naming in a soap opera setting).
If you made it this far watching this train wreck that takes a hot leak on my beloved classics memories even stronger than the bastardization that was GI Joe : The Rise of Cobra then you are a far better person than I am.
Oh, then Number Two appears and pops someone a pill (probably to brainwash them or murder them)... wait… me no care.

Do you remember the intense psychological plotting and storytelling of the original? And how it didn’t take long sabbaticals during the story to wander off on Six’s supposed family, how Six found love (then lost it), Number Two’s family life, etc etc.? If not that’s the one blessing of AMC making The Prisoner, the fact they compiled and lined up the entire original series for you to enjoy… so run away, ESCAPE FROM THE VILLAGE AND WATCH THE CLASSIC McGOOHAN SERIES! YOU’LL LOVE THAT WAY MORE! BELIEVE IT!

But I can’t escape… I must sally on… well Number Six is now in therapy over his family life… (boring)... and going on about this and that and whatever and still we’re nowhere near the crux as to why Number Six is in the Village and what secrets he holds that make him so valuable to the people behind the Village. Come on, one hour going on two shouldn’t we know by now what the smurfin the Village is for other than to piss the audience off and bore the viewer to death?!?

To help Number Six get over his problems his brother takes him out to do some work and confronts him with info he doesn’t know (the ability to drive a large bus for instance). Why is this important? Foreshadowing to his latest escape attempt? His past as Number Six the Happy Bus Driver? ... me no care. Speaking of Number Six he seems to be the driver of a Village Tour Bus… the HAPPY VILLAGE TOUR BUS… remember, if you took the tour why not take it again… why don’t you!... like you have something else to do!!

Hmm… finally though at 10 minutes past we find out they’re trying to discover the Six inside… but again the entire questioning about Number Six’ therapy is pointless since it’s not about why he quit but… just about Six and his memories of the outside world. Oh, and then McKellan goes off the rocker and sits down to reveal the inside of Number Two… wait… don’t care…McKellan! What’s with you?!? DID YOU ACTUALLY SEE THE SERIES?!? DO WE WANT TO KNOW WHAT KIND OF PERSON TWO IS?!? NO??? And did you have sex with your mother, 70? No? THEN DON’T… where the hell did THAT COME FROM!! WHERE, McKELLAN, WHERE!!

And then it’s back to the Happy Village Tour… bleah… as they go into the desert, which is like waving a red flag in front of Six’s face tempting him to escape… AGAIN… with the entire busload of prisoners (sheep)... as they find an anchor in the middle of the desert, upon which the brother takes Six to see an old “ruins” (which looks like a waystation for a train line or something).

God make this episode stop. Make the series stop. Make it stop. Make it stop… oh, it’s a brief commercial break so I’m going to walk off and go number one… number one… heh… and when I come back we’ll see if anything is happening…
A sure sign the reviewer is not happy reviewing the subject in queestion… is when said reviewer is easily distracted by everything. If I can’t stay riveted by the show odds are you won’t stay riveted. And unlike me if you can’t stay riveted to the show you have the option to change it and watch something worth watching. Me? Have to stay and watch… hmm… thinking of veryfriendly’s Very Funny Cats videos right now… oh wait… of course… (turns on PSP and watches the Angry Video Game Nerd for awhile)...

BTW if you’re AMC and you’re wondering what I’m thinking… stop wondering, you won’t like the answer.
God this episode is so boring as they’re trying to figure out whether or not Number Six’ family is real or trying to trick him into becoming compliant with the VIllage and life in the Village… and the point of this is WHAT AGAIN?!?
The same retarded soap on the TV. The same drive riding the happy Village tour bus. Suddenly passing by Number Two’s house only for Number Two to make a surprise appearance… yeah… boring… I did like how the enemy of Number Two was the position and those who wore the “mantle” of Two, and not a single individual like this show. As much as I love McKellan as an actor, and how great an actor he is, I am disappointed to see him in this shallow poor remake of a beloved classic. Why, McKellan, why?!? Must I make a youtube video like that guy who was pissed off with John Cusack being in 2012 and tell you how disappointed I was you were in The Prisoner?!? Oh, yeah, it was to talk about The Escape Resort and give a free trip to Six’s brother’s family… yeah, I’m sure there’s absolutely nothing sinister about THAT!

About 90 minutes in he FINALLY admits what he used to do (and thus why he was so important that he needed to be locked into the Village)... and you know what, it’s not spy work but it’s the modern equivelant of being a spy (so at least that much is the same though without the glamour of McGoohan’s spy work). But once we reach a revelation it’s back to the mundane (Two’s family life), and it is back to Number Two’s own soul searching… so since when did they decide the plot must be shared in turn between Six and Two! Then it’s back to Six therapy and more about the ocean and family trips, but it quickly turns to Number Six playing mindgames with 70 (short but a little satsifying though not in a McGoohan sense).

So let’s take a brief break to recap.
We had to mow through 90 minutes of content just to reach a point where we actually could figure out what Number Six did before (which put as much information in his head as McGoohan’s old job did for him, moreso if you think of the job in question). Now, once this knowledge is in hand we can begin to extrapolate why he needs to be in the Village… great. We knew that in a sense from the opening of the original, this one had to drag it out a whole 90 minutes! Good for you, show! Now… if only we knew what it was about his job and his quitting that got him on somebody’s doody list that he needs to be locked up in the Village… bleah. Oh, crap number two is he says right out (in Episode 2 no less) WHY he resigned… McGoohan kept his secret for the whole series or at least as long as he did until near the end!

So how does “Harmony” end?
The place his brother showed him? Seems he remembers it, and how something happened there.(which seemingly explains his memories of the beach and yet he is convinced is a trick since he’s nowhere near the beach when he finds a clue that to his past that he was sure he left near the beach). Somehow, however, seems to have knowledge which verfies the presence of the ocean, this being one of the Village tour riders who says she found a place where there was the sound of the ocean, upon which he talks the taxi driver guy spy into taking him and lady who said she heard the ocean to find it only to realize he’s been driven on a wild goose chase to seperate him from his brother’s family as they’re going off to the “Escape Resort”).
Oh, and he does make it back to the family who take the company bus to Escape Resort… really? They allow you to drive the company vechile to the resort?  Anyway Six ends up driving towards the towers and then the aanchor and he is suddenly tied up to an anchor or something with Number Two before him who’s torturing him with water and puts a hand grenade in his mouth and pulls the pin to blow him up and… then he wakes up in the bus and he rants about how his brother might be right about everything… only it turns out his bro isn’t his bro and he wants to be helped… yeah, big revelation… not.

Escape Resort looks nice, and his now no longer bro admits that they’re being spied on all the time and (oh they’re bonding over drinks in a pool seating service… with tables and seats IN THE POOL) and then it’s back to the desert and another quest for escape… or the ocean… or something… which leads to the ending discovery of… seagulls… and the ocean?!? Rovers live in the ocean don’t they? Anyway his non-brother is snatched by a Rover and the family don’t seem all that broken up about daddy’s death. Then Number Six is back in the ward strapped up like a mental patient and the show ends disappointingly. Just like how it began. With him going on how he’s Number Six… sad sad end.

Sigh. Two nights to go. Can I make it?
Oh, saw what the writer said about the show ‘Everyone is spying on everyone else”... say what! What the hell does that have to do with The Prisoner dammit!
God could it be anymore boring… I guess only Night Two will answer that.
For now this is done, and once again it’s a 1 out of 5. 1 out of disappointing 5. Even the revelations of this episode couldn’t bring it’s score up any higher… mostly because it was a long boring dredge of viewing just to learn what we learned.
That’s it. I had my fill of The Prisoner. I can’t watch no more for tonight. That’s it. We’re done.
Be seeing you.

1