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Never heard of this movie? – Consider yourself lucky!

Bare with me on this plot description, okay kids?  Toxic tells the story of a guy who stole some money…no, wait…it’s about a cursed mob boss and his daughter…hmmm…no…uh…it’s about this hitman who becomes a bartender at a gentleman’s club/brothel…maybe…maybe it’s a psychological thriller?  Seriously, this thing is all over the place.  An ensemble piece that introduces way too many characters and doesn’t tie them together well enough to make you root for any of them.  Who cares if Person A gets shot or if Person B has to sell themselves for money?  It was almost as bad in this respect as Magnolia (and I hates me some Magnolia!). 

The “surprise” ending and the jumping back and forth from the present to one year earlier (a plot device that was executed horribly) are obvious attempts to take what Memento did so well and run with it.  Stumbling and falling probably wasn’t part of the plan, but Toxin does it anyway.

It saddens me to say that some name actors appear in this film.  Tom Sizemore (Saving Private Ryan, Natural Born Killers) is probably the biggest name.  He has most of his scenes with Chinese actress Bai Ling (Lost, Anna and the King).  Since the camera rarely changed position in their scenes and the set was always the same, I assume they shot all of their footage in one day.  Smart move on this one, guys.  Get in, collect that paycheck, get out.

Other notables are Danny Trejo (From Dusk Till Dawn 1 – 3, Grindhouse’s Machete), PETA spokesperson Dominique Swain (Lolita), Stephen Bauer (Bulletface), Master P (Gone in Sixty Seconds), and everybody’s favorite hedgehog Ron Jeremy (Spunk’d: The Movie, Boondocks Saints, The Penetrator).  About the cast, I will say this: Ron’s not in it enough, Master P is a terrible actor, Bauer plays his typical role, Swain was more than adequate, and to be honest the only reason I wanted to see Toxin

was because Danny Trejo is in it.  He never disappoints and was the best thing in this stinkbomb.

Director/writer/actor/editor Alan Pao went for an over-saturated, stylized look (reminiscent of the way modern horror movies are shot) and it does nothing but give you a headache.  I now know if I see his name in connection with a movie that I’ll need a bottle of ibuprofen to get through it.  If I was the Weinstein Company, I’d stop putting out this dreck.  It’s not good, guys.  You’re killing yourselves.  Stop.  Just…just stop.

No special features on this one unless you count chapter and audio selections as special features.  And I don’t. So there.

To be honest, I don’t want you to go out and rent Toxic.  But to clarify, the only reason the below star rating isn’t half a star, is because I couldn’t do that to Danny Trejo.  He just worked so hard and did such a good job, I can’t slam the man like that.

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