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Witchcraft in the suburbs as told in 21 enchanting stories

Esther Friesner has been editing cool collections (e.g. Chicks in Chainmail series) as well as writing for quite some time. Now she has begun a new series dealing with Urbania - that piece of overpopulated land outside of the main city, filled with strip malls, soccer moms and Tupperware parties. The first book in the series is entitled Witch Way to the Mall and almost every cliché you can think of for the Urbanites is mentioned in this collection of 21 short stories. Oddly enough, as you read the author bio before each story you’ll realize that most of these writers own cats and cats make more than an appearance or two in a witch book.

The four-hundred-plus-page book begins with Harry Turtledove’s “Birdwitching.” The story is a funny spin on birdwatchers, which Turtledove is in real life, and an annual battle to see which group can spot the largest variety of birds. For anyone who knows paleontology you can see where this story is going, but it’s a fun ride getting there.

Steven Piziks’ “Witch Warrior” has his power split between being a witch and being a Celtic Warrior. He must decide which side to focus upon to gather his strength, and his landscaping utensils, against the great Baba Yaga.

Lee Martindale takes a practiced witch through the bowels of a mall where all the halls look the same and finding the restroom can become a quest in “Nimue and the Mall Nymphs.” While doing so she happens upon the next generation of wanna-be witches out for revenge, complete with black candles, chic clothes and designer names.

Kevin Andrew Murphy has fun with “Tacos for Tezcatlipoca” as he summons up one of the more unusual gods with the strangest ingredients. Indigestion will keep you laughing through this unusual little tale of what you can find in an estate sale.

“The Darren” is Hildy Silverman’s poke at Bewitched but you won’t find Samantha or Tabitha in this storyline. The title is just a nickname given by witches to the mortals, but one mortal turns out to be more helpful than the young witch could have ever believed.

“The Incident of the Inferno Grill” is a suburban detective story that is sure to have all of the neighbors talking. Author Sarah A. Hoyt has obviously been to one party too many where too much lighter fluid was utilized and/or one too many neighbors who was once queen of the barbecue scene lost their title and got their nose bent out of shape.

Dave Freer’s “Soot” takes the haughtiness of an ancient black cat, mixes it with a witch, a troll and a werewolf all in a story of a virgin sacrifice - or an attempt at a sacrifice or at finding a virgin. I’m not sure which, but the witchiness of this tale has all the cat attitude you’ll ever need.

One of the few stories in this collection that isn’t quite so comical is Storm Christopher’s “The House of Lost Dreams.” Think about the little curio shop in the movie Gremlins where the mogwai is first found. Imagine a shop with odd little boxes that contain a wide range of dreams. one dream may be yours, but you can always get someone else’s dream and feel like you lived it. An interesting tale to say the least.

Anyone who has seen a panel at a con with Selina Rosen may feel like they know where her story “Queen of Suburbia” is coming from. The story’s author deals with a lot of things that Rosen has seemingly dealt with over the past few years, but she puts it in a funny setting that mixes a witch’s power with E-mails and spam. The scary thing is I believe that Rosen would pull this trick off, herself, if she really could.

Friesner has her own interesting story called “Twice A Year” which has a not-so-friendly battle between an ex-husband and wife to take over the territory in which the dental assistant lives. She not only has to battle her ex but also has to deal with the inquisitive busybodies who have no clue when to shut up and go away.

David Vierling reveals the scariness that anyone has dealt with when moving to a new neighborhood, and that’s meeting the neighbors. “Neighborhood Witch” will keep you guessing as to which witch coven is responsible for the deaths which occur.

“Hex Education” is a battle of bitches… I mean witches in K.D. Wentworth’s tale of territorial dominance, humvees, soccer and video games. Frighteningly enough, I believe some soccer moms could get this vengeful if given the chance.

The husband/wife team of S.M & Jan Stirling combine witchy powers for “The Importance of Communication.” When an old friend visits the suburbs she discovers that her daughter may be involved in something more than doing homework at a friend’s house and must rush to save her before she becomes demon fodder.

Every kid who has ever been grounded sneaks out of the house to do something they are forbidden to do and it generally involves a friend. So goes the plot of “Midnight at the Center Court” by David D. Levine. Despite mom and dad’s punishment, rules must be broken to save the world and Julian is the only one who can do it.

Where would the suburbs be without vanity? Robin Wayne Bailey’s “The Price of Beauty” speculates on the subject as a witch store supplies make-overs and beauty supplies to those who think they’re hideous.

“Making Love” isn’t what it may sound like (or what you may be hoping for) in Brenda W. Clough’s story, but I bet the title got your attention. Milly has an unique way of making, sharing and spreading love. Now if she can only get her husband to understand.

One of the most entertaining stories of the collection is “Yo Mom’s a Dragon” by Ellie Tupper. Banished to this earthly realm, our dragoness now finds her daughter and the world in danger as well as having to face the wizard who had her banished. Vengeance might just be a meal of finger sandwiches and party platters.

Ever wonder what the strange goth-looking kid really does when not serving you Crappa-Frappa-Mocha-Mint-Decaffeinated-cino with no fat and extra whipcream? Berry Kercheval has done research for us in “Witch’s Brew” as Mo does a little accidental incantation and let’s loose something from the bowels of the coffee grinder.

“The FairWitch Project” is obviously a reference to the awful movie, but Daniel M. Hoyt’s story deals more with three teens pulling pranks in suburbia instead of three idiots getting lost and using no common sense to get out of the woods. All these boys want to get out of is work and gain a little fame.

Julia S. Mandala has a flashback to the ‘80s with “Valley Witch” and would make Frank Zappa proud as a mom, disguised as a teen, and her teen son enter high school while trying to elude an evil sorcerer. Can the 21st century handle this story or will they be gagged with a spoon?

The book ends with Jody Lynn Nye’s “There No ‘I’ in ‘Coven’.” The daily dealings of a mom trying to get her children to cooperate, especially in team sports while also battling parents from the opposing team and overindulgent parents from her own side. Games might be more stress than they’re worth.

Not only do you get all of these stories, but Baen books has an offer in the back that allows you to get a free subscription to eBooks. Quite a bargain for $8.00 and if you don’t believe me I’ll have the publisher wave a wand and turn you into a toad.

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