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Didn’t watch the Golden Globes? Here are a few things people will be talking about from this year, and a little bit of snark just for funsies.

21. “Actress” Jennifer Lopez? Who are you people kidding? She can’t even act like she’s happy in her marriage.
20. Yay for John Adams and its four wins! I put John Adams on my Best DVD of 2008 list, and I’m glad to see it getting the love it so richly deserves.
19. Note to self: Go see Doubt.
18. Don Cheedle has the coolest tie in the room.
17. Drew Barrymore’s hair was insanely large. Note to Drew: This is the Hollywood Foreign Press, not a meeting of 80’s Texas housewives.
16. Hey Hayden Panetiere: it’s The Tudors, not “the tutor”. Every time this girl opens her mouth she looks dumber and dumber.
15. Sally Field apparently forgot to style her hair.
14. Anna Paquin winning best actress in a dramatic series for True Blood? I’m a HUGE fan of True Blood, but seriously?
13. Ricky Gervais doing a standup bit while holding his beer was genius. More Ricky Gervais, please!
12. A sex tape scandal with Chelsea Handler wouldn’t convince me that The Jonas Brothers aren’t gay.
11. Seth Rogan and Elizabeth Banks, the stars of Zack and Miri Make a Porno, appeared together but not announced as being associated with that film. I’m really tired of everyone freaking out about a movie with the word ‘porno’ in the title. Get over it, people. Incidentally, Elizabeth Banks has a fantastic rack.
10. Did Rene Zellweger get to the Golden Globes by being dragged underneath a car? She looked horrible.
9. Seriously, people, Bernard and Dorris sucked.
8. Glenn Close wore pants. The woman has been around long enough to know that wearing pants to a black tie event is never the right choice for a woman. Also, her pants were a little too short and no one wants to see her wrinkly ankles.
7. Oh, Sacha Baron Cohen, your ranting was funny but horribly misplaced. I feel as if your phone won’t ring for a while after this.
6. The acceptance speech on behalf of 30 Rock from Tracy Morgan, and his reference to the producers of the show as his dogs. Tracy Morgan should be in charge of everyone’s acceptance speech.
5. Kate Winselt’s double win for best supporting actress and best actress was phenomenal, and her reaction was sweet and genuine enough to make me choke up for her a little.
4. Holy shit, Mickey Rourke won best actor in a dramatic film!
3. Darren Aronofsky shot Mickey Rourke the finger.
2. Mickey Rourke thanked his dogs. Seriously?

and, of course,

1. Heath Ledger’s win for Dark Knight. We all knew it was coming, but the actual win (and the standing ovation from the audience) was a fantastic moment.

It wasn’t a stellar Golden Globes, but it was fun enough.