Mediocre small-town corruption film leaves me wondering if Val Kilmer will ever get back to Batman status.

I love Val Kilmer. I could typically watch anything he was in and be satisfied – even if the movie was so-so. His earliest hits Batman, Heat, and The Saint seemed to be the spark of something big. But that never came to be. It seemed he’d virtually disappeared in recent years, until his recent stint as a hilariously psychotic military leader in the sequel to Lonesome Dove. (No, I don’t like LD, but it was during the strike and I was desperate for something not a rerun. Kilmer’s character made it worth a watch.) I was hoping that was sign Kilmer was back.

Now, Kilmer stars in Conspiracy, a film about a corrupt small town that needs a can of whop ass to clean it up. MacPherson is a former Marine who served in Iraq with a friend who was trying to get his citizenship. After they are discharged, the friend calls MacPherson to come help him build his house in a dusty border town. The soldier is in a funk and decides to give up his meager city existence to be with his friend. But when he gets there, MacPherson is greated by hostile locals who deny that his friend even exists. As he investigates, MacPherson discovers a corporate giant behind a purified America movement is getting illegals out of the states – by any means necessary. This Marine decides it’s time for some changes.

The movie wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t great, either. There were too many stereotypes and a predictable turn of events to make it a great watch. It was formatted like the old gunslinger films, where the anti-hero comes to town and takes on the Good Ol’ Boys doing wrong – not a bad theme if it’s brought up to standard. Hollywood was also making a statement against the war in Iraq, some subtle, and some not-so. Between MacPherson’s flashbacks to the bloody war (subtle) to Hallicorp, the name of the corporate giant intent on keeping the war going to make money (not-so-subtle). It also makes a statement against groups against illegal immigration – the fictional group in Conspiracy seems to be Hollywood’s interpretation of the Minutemen. Come on, Hollywood. This gets OLD. Instead of making a political statement through fiction, why not develop ideas of your own to allow audiences to escape? After all, that’s what we’re paying for – escapism. We get enough war and other crap on the 24/7 news.

I also thought it was weird that, Jennifer Esposito is the lover of the Big Bad Guy (Gary Cole), a man who hates illegals and pretty much anyone not a pure-blood, white bread American. Hm…

Still, Kilmer and costars Esposito and Cole are fabulous actors and stretch the limits of the two-dimensional script. The best scene in the film is between Esposito and Kilmer, when she tells him exactly what happened to his friend. There is one scene with the intense Kilmer stare. Unbelievable. It was so great, and I had to laugh at the reaction that stare got from the hotel clerk at the other end of it. And I will say the war flashbacks provided a good foundation for Kilmer’s character, though they did tend to overuse them in some instances.

Conspiracy isn’t a bad watch, but I wouldn’t pay full-price for it. If you want a great movie about revolt, get The Rundown. However, if you need a Kilmer fix, this would more than do the job.

The 90-minute DVD is thin on extras, but it does offer other movie previews, all in English.

Another Joe Sarno DVD continues to prove why he was the master of 1970s softcore erotica.

Nobody in the 1970s made better softcore porn films than Joe Sarno. While others focused just on the sex and nudity, Sarno was one of the few that made real attempts at worthwhile plots and good acting. Granted, he also seemed to have an obsession with incest, but that’s not the point. His stuff actually had class and grace, and Confessions of a Young American Housewife is no exception.

Frequent collaborator Rebecca Brooke stars as Carole, a young woman who enjoys her swinging lifestyle with her husband, her best friend Anna (Chris Jordan) and Anna’s husband. Things get thrown into chaos when Carole’s mother (Jennifer Welles) comes to visit. This turns Carole’s world upside down, partly because their relationship is a bit icy, partly because Carole is jealous that Mom is getting a lot of attention from her sexually-ravenous partners and partly because...well, she has certain feelings towards Mom. As Mom starts integrating herself more into the sexual exploits of the swingers, Carole feels threatened and has to decide where her feelings will let her go.

Even though Confessions is filled with hardcore porn actors (Welles, Eric Edwards, etc.), Sarno did well to cast ones that could act. This helps make the sex scenes more erotic and never mechanical, never sleazy. Everyone in the film looks absolutely stunning. With a healthy dose of humor added by Jordan, who is always eating in the film, Confessions manages to be more enjoyable than even some of Sarno’s other well-made films.

The print on this Retro-Seduction release is quite nice, though a few places do suffer from age and damage. As with other Sarno films released by the company, there are plenty of extras. Sarno is on hand for a discussion about the film. Three deleted scenes are worthwhile; instead of being throwaway dialog, they’re as hot as anything in the finished film. There’s also a bonus soundtrack CD included (the score is quite excellent and this was a nice addition) and a booklet that goes into the history of the film (it also includes some rare modeling photographs of the stunning Brooke).

Confessions of a Young American Housewife may not be Sarno’s most well-known effort, but it’s definitely one of his best; erotic, well-done and never without some class.

The 1993 Italian classic is remastered and (supposedly) revitalized in this release of Fiorile.

On a long trip to Tuscany, a father tells his two children the story of their family legend – or curse – to pass the time. Spanning over two hundred years, the story begins with the French Revolution and ends with the children themselves.

In rural Tuscany, Napoleon’s soldiers march the Italian countryside. One of these soldiers is Jean (Michael Vartan, Alias), who is sweet and tender. Jean guards the regiment’s chest of gold, but when Tuscan noblemen attack, Jean is left with the chest, but he is distracted by a wounded Italian girl, a beautiful young woman named Elisabetta Benedetti. Jean helps her, and they immediately fall in love (and consummate that love, during the middle of a battle). While Jean is otherwise occupied, Elisabetta’s brother steals the gold, but brother and sister are not working together. Jean’s life is forfeit over the loss of the gold, Elisabetta is broken hearted, and so the gold’s curse begins.

From here, we move to 1903 – Alessando Benedetti, the current head of household, has political ambitions that he uses his family’s wealth to attain. In the process he betrays his siblings. In World War II, we see the newest Benedetti, Massimo (again, played by Michael Vartan), working for the anti-Fascist Resistance. He and the woman he loves are caught after a night of passion and separated, both held prisoner. 

The last story brings us back to the family at the start of the film. They arrive at the house owned by Elisabetta’s family. Massimo is grandfather to the children, who are now intrigued by stories of curses and treasure. They come, quite literally, face to face with their heritage, and unwittingly become yet another part of the family curse.

The story, written by Paolo and Vittorio Taviani (the directors) and Sandro Petraglia, is based on stories the Taviani brothers heard while growing up in Tuscany. It’s not a bad story, though it’s level of drama is greatly overblown.

The poetic language of the film must have been lost in translation, because it sounded awkward and incoherent to me (although, when scanning the bonus features I noticed that the subtitle wording on the original trailer was different – for example, where the trailer said ‘smurfin’, the movie said ‘shag’. Perhaps it was the original subtitles that garnered so much admiration). In 1903, we are told that Alessandro’s party has an orchestra playing, but the music is that of a rock band – a bad one. It is jarring and annoying, not to mention completely out of context with what was otherwise a fairly historically accurate film. It may have worked for Marie Antoinette, but it certainly did not work here.

Michael Vartan isn’t the only actor who plays multiple roles – Galatea Ranzi, who plays Elisabetta is also Elisa in 1903, and Alessandro (Claudio Bigagli) doubles as Corrado, the thief who sets the curse in motion. It is interesting, the double usage of actors – especially seeing a young Vartan at work.

Other than the original trailer, the DVD features an hour long featurette on the making of Fiorile that is mostly the Taviani brothers rambling about their youth, their introduction to cinema, and the making of Fiorile. They both speak in plurals, as if they ceased to be one person long ago and became a mutant old man monstrosity. Also included in the DVD is an eight page booklet on the film that takes a decidedly political view, one that was entirely lost on me as a viewer. One may need to be either Italian or a student of Italian socio-economic history to fully appreciate what Peter Bondanell, the essay’s author, is saying.

Menu backgrounds look like stock photographs from Atonement, and I wish more of Fiorile had been ‘updated’ by ripping off footage from other films. It was dull, boring, and almost completely unwatchable.

P.S. I Love You will make you cry, laugh, cry, swoon, and oh, yeah. . . cry.

I dig me some Irish lads. There’s something about the lot of them that is charming – their sly, witty demeanor, handsome ruffian ways. . . Irish men are about as good as it gets. And for the first chunk of P.S. I Love You, I was in Lucky Charms heaven as Gerard Butler swaggered, drawled and did all manner of hot things that reaffirmed my love for Irish lads. As the opening credits rolled, I was certain that this movie was going to hit my chick flick g spot in a big bad way. Then he died. That’s right, died. Gerard Butler, Phantom of the Opera, Leonidas, DIED.

P.S. I Love You is the story of newly widowed Holly, fighting to be okay in the wake of Gerry’s (Gerard Butler) early and tragic death due to a brain tumor. Lucky for Holly, Gerry planned for these moments, leaving her a series of letters to be delivered intermittently in the year after his passing. Every letter comes with a surprise, and as the film takes us through a year of Holly’s grief, it also tells a beautiful love story, destined to end badly and yet surprisingly uplifting.

The list of well known actors in P.S. I Love You is a long one. Kathy Bates, a chameleon of the film world, is, as usual, amazing in her portrayal of Holly’s mother, Patricia. For Buffy fans, a brunette and American accented James Marsters is one of the many lovely men who provide for excellent eye candy after Gerry dies. Jeffrey Dean Morgan (the brilliantly handsome Denny of Grey’s Anatomy) and Harry Connick Jr also stand by, ready to help a widow find her way (lucky tart). Lisa Kudrow and Gina Gershon are Holly’s friends on tap, ready to adventure.

And then there’s Hillary Swank herself. Swank is the centerpiece of the film, the too young to get married, too young to be a widow heroine. Swank’s talent, in my opinion, lies with drama; she isn’t terrible in the movie, but isn’t quite likable, either. She often comes off as shrewish instead of wacky, bitchy instead of lovable. Her haircut, with its straight, harsh lines, accentuates the mannishness of her features, and her clothing doesn’t do anything to help us buy her as the beautiful woman who gets all the guys in the room. Her face is often frozen in a slack-mouthed look of confusion.

The movie has several funny bits, despite the fact that most of the humor does not come from Swank. Gerard Butler is hard not to love, and Harry Connick Jr.’s character, Daniel, has a wonderful run of socially awkward lined that make him a bright spot in the film. The movie did have that annoying New York cliché of having characters complain about their tiny crap apartments that are anything but. Overall, the film is likable and funny.

The DVD has a good few bonus features, including deleted scenes, featurettes with Celia Ahern (the author of the novel P.S. I Love You), a James Blunt video with footage from the movie, and lastly, my favorite, a featurette entitled “The Name of the Game is Snaps”. During a scene in a gay bar, Holly and friends are introduced to a game called snaps. The scene is funny, but ultimately will leave you confused as to exactly what the characters are doing. Never fear – in this kitschy little feature, you’ll be introduced to the rules of the game, and if you’re anything like me, you’ll immediately run to the next room to share with someone else and get playing.

P.S. I Love You has some highs and lows. There are sad scenes and funny scenes, and in the end, Holly chooses the romantic path that just feels right. Overall a good film, and the bonuses make it worth the purchase.

A squadron of Japanese soldiers find themselves pulled back through time, 400 years in the past, where they align themselves with one of the warring factions and attempt to rule Japan utilizing their superior weaponry.

I came away from watching Mitsumasa Saito’s Time Slip (AKA G.I. Samurai) with mixed emotions.  On one hand, it delivers what it set out to, the mixing of two genres, the military film with the samurai genre, but on the other hand, the way the two came together left me a little cold.

The plot is relatively simple, summed up in the first sentence.  A squadron of soldiers on maneuvers begins to notice small changes, their watches stopping, the movement of Venus in the night sky, and then a trippy psychedelic light show washes over them and they find themselves not at their chosen rendezvous point, but at that same location 400 years in the past.  The group consists of a tank crew, a halftrack, a jeep and a supply truck, and they are joined by a helicopter crew and a patrol boat that turns up in the nearby ocean.

Lt. Iba (Sonny Chiba) is already at odds with Yano (Tsunehiko Watase), a member of his squad that he has some bad blood with; this situation only grows now that they find themselves outside the normal realm of things.  They are almost immediately attacked by a group of samurai, which they easily repel with their superior weapons.  They are later approached by another group of samurai, led by the ambitious Kagatori, who proves to be unafraid of these strange new warriors.  He’s much more interested in their technology.

The soldiers help Kagatori in one battle, but then try to stay out of the way of history, retreating to the beach to mull over their options.  This is where I felt the film lost my interest a little bit, in that they try to flesh out a story that doesn’t really need it, so we have the subplots of a couple of the soldiers who strike off on their own, as well as more sinister deserters who steal the patrol boat under Yano’s leadership and begin to rape and pillage the surrounding areas.  Lt. Iba is forced to destroy them, along with the boat, and then the men begin to hypothesize that if they become involved in a large enough scale, history will shunt them back to their own time to preserve the natural order of things.

Time Slip clocks in at a whopping 2 hours and 19 minutes, which felt a little long to me at times, but maybe I was just wishing it were a little shorter because of the awful pop songs that comprise the soundtrack of the film.  The dvd looks great, although the glaringly bad green screen in the climactic battle scene is just made all the more cheesy by the nice transfer.

The two disc set features a series of interviews with several cast members on the second disc of the set, three trailers for the film as well as two other trailers for films starring Sonny Chiba.

This could be one of those ‘so bad it’s good’ experiences for a lot of people, or a film worth a look for fans of Sonny Chiba or martial arts in general; I enjoyed my time with it well enough, even if I found myself peeping at the clock every now and again.

Quicksilver takes a mental journey to decided if he should remain quick or just die..

In the whole of the Marvel universe, there are few characters as unique as Pietro Maximoff, known as Quicksilver.  Quicksilver has walked the line between heroism and villainy many a time, even starting his career as one of the original Brotherhood of Evil Mutants under his father, Magneto.  While super speed hardly shows any originality when it comes to super powers, Quicksilver tends to be the fastest of them.  His ego, on the other hand, might as well be a secondary mutation.  Quicksilver’s ego and outright contempt for most other beings on the planet garner him a reputation that he seems to hold on to diligently.  The belief that he and a select few others are truly superior to others have brought him to the lowest point of his entire life, sitting powerless in a jail cell in New York City, talking to his ghosts.

X-Factor, the Quick and the Dead, spotlights Quicksilver’s madness and climb back up the steps of sanity.  Assaulted by the ghosts of his past in the forms of his father, his sister (Wanda, the Scarlet Witch), his ex-wife Crystal and their daughter Luna, to the person who caused him to end up in jail, Layla Miller, Quicksilver forces himself to claw at the darkness and madness and shame that he feels eating away at his soul. Forced to confront himself in this manner, Quicksilver finds transformative power when he realizes that in his heart he still wants to do the right thing.

Can I just say: What the hell?

Quicksilver’s planet size ego has caused massive problems on many occasions, but ever since the end of House of M, where we learn it was his manipulations of Wanda that caused the event, Quicksilver has descended down the road of madness and super villainy in the guise of ‘I know best.’ He furthered his own goals by stealing the Terrigen crystals and his daughter from the Inhumans and pursued a path of trying to be the new mutant savior, returning mutants their powers at a terrible price.  Honestly, nothing has ever seemed redeemable about Quicksilver.  He was more or less a hero because it is what his sister wanted and it put him in opposition to his father, when he was not honoring him, most of the time.  It was the ‘socially correct’ thing to do and honestly seemed to bore him. The path to ruination seemed quite the correct one.  This eleventh hour salvation of him seems like a cheap cop out. 

Peter David’s writing style usually elicits ire or awe from the fan base.  I tend to enjoy his stories and while this one holds up to his standards, I find the leap of faith in it to be a bit much.  Pietro going from thinking he is a god to believing in the salvation from God so quickly leaves a bad taste in my mouth.  The ghosts and Quicksilver’s parlay feels genuine to me and feels like the conversations Quicksilver would have with himself, however the conclusions that are drawn and the point that Peter David takes him to just does not ring true to me.

Pablo Raimondi’s art mixed with Jeromy Cox’s coloring makes for a visually impactful book.  The art shows a layer of detail and skill without being overly flashy.  I really love the subtle emotional traces in the faces he draws. Jeromy handles the coloring wonderfully. The look of the jail cell feels dirty and dingy, while the outside shows light and brightness in varying degrees depending on the time of day and location, giving the book a sense of life.  These two work well together.

X-Factor, The Quick and The Dead, will probably not go down as one of my favorite Peter David stories.  The kicker comes for those who follow X-Factor: if you do not read it, you are missing something that will most likely be prevalent in a future issue of X-Factor.  I do not see why this could not have just been an interlude issue rather than a one shot special.  It is worth a read, if only to see how Quicksilver comes by his new sunny disposition at the end. 

The episode starts out with two snarky plastic surgeons walking out of the hospital, discussing their cases before separating. One gets into his car, and is suddenly snatched from behind. Hours later, he stumbles into the hospital clutching his stomach. A veteran nurse tries to help him, gently prying away his hands from his torso, only to scream as the contents of his stomach spill out before her.

The Winchesters are hot on Bela’s trail after exorcising a demon when they find out about the case. The unfortunate victim had muddy fingerprints all over him dating back hundreds of year, so more than the usual foul play is suspected. Sam suggests a zombie is at work, but this theory is put to rest when a grumpy doctor shows the two the victim’s wounds weren’t bite marks – they were from a surgeon. All of this traces back to Doc Benton (Billy Drago), an 19th century alchemical surgeon who survived for decades by switching out body parts – like the still-beating heart he just lifted from a runner. One of Benton’s hearts was removed by none other than John Winchester – but the doc just keeps on ticking.

Dean is infuriated when he realizes Sam knew it was Benton all along and didn’t tell him. He soon realizes Sam’s strategy, hoping Doc Benton’s twisted research can provide immortality to save Dean from perdition. But the two brothers are even further at odds when Bobby calls with a lead on Bela from a retired hunter named Rufus Turner. Sam wants to finish the case to find out what Benton knows, while Dean wants to find Bela and the Colt. The two brothers begrudgingly split up.

Sam finds Benton’s lair, managing to save not only a survivor but also Benton’s research. He is attacked by Benton on his way to the car, but manages to escape and even run over Benton on the way – not that it does much good. Dean, meanwhile, is off to a tough start with the generally unhelpful Rufus until he adds some scotch to the equation. Rufus tells Dean where Bela is as well as what her angle is, but also tells Dean not to get his hopes up, saying all of their kind have it coming and he is what has to look forward to if he lives past his deal – which he highly doubts he will. Dean confronts Bela, but the Colt is already gone. He then faces Bela with the death of her parents ten years ago, accusing her of killing them. (A brief flashback implies Bela’s father sexually abused her.) But Dean isn’t able to kill Bela, especially after seeing something above her door. He leaves – but not before Bela snatches his hotel receipt out of his pocket. Sam calls Dean, and is hopeful he can reproduce Benton’s formula – but not before he is captured by Benton.

The charismatic Benton fondly remembers John Winchester, and plans to operate on his son. He is just about to scoop out Sam’s eyeball when Dean enters the room, gun pointed right at Benton. All of his shots fail to affect the more-or-less undead Benton, who slams Dean against the wall and prepares go in for the kill. It’s at this time when Dean stabs him in the heart with the knife. The knife doesn’t kill Benton, but it wasn’t supposed to – but the poison coating the knife does bring him down. When Benton comes to, he offers to help the Winchesters find immortality, but Dean, having seen what immortality has made Benton as well as what survival has made Rufus, refuses. They give the still-living Benton a proper burial, while the screaming doctor pleads as the dirt falls on his metallic makeshift casket, yelling he can still save Dean.

That night, Bela enters their hotel room and shoots both beds several times – only to find blow-up dolls beneath each bed. Then she gets a call from Dean, who is already leaving town. He realizes what he saw above her door – herbal hellhound repellant – marking Bela as a fellow Faustian. Another flashback reveals Lilith was the one who made the deal to kill her parents – and Bela tells Dean she is the one who holds his contract as well as every other. Dean is frustrated, knowing Bela could have helped them, but instead, chose to work against them – and inadvertently seals her own fate. Dean says he’ll see her in Hell and hangs up. The clock strikes midnight and Bela faces the window as she hears howls in the distance getting closer and closer. The credits roll as we hear roars and growls fall on Bela.

Overall, this was a great episode, and as you can see, a lot happened. The episode shows the lengths Sam is willing to go for Dean as well as the lines Dean isn’t willing to cross for even his sake. The scene with Rufus has dingy, Hellblazer-like feel, and I can’t help but compare Doctor Benton to I Am Legend’s Robert Neville, begging to cure humanity when really he is the monster. The episodes thrusts Sam and Dean right into next week’s season finale, which the previews indicate will be a must-see confrontation for Supernatural fans!

A year and a half after it starts, “Last Son” ends.  Was it worth the wait?  Unfortunately, the answer is: not really. 

Seventy years ago, Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster, two high school students, created Superman for Action Comics. Shortly after that, Richard Donner and Geoff Johns released the first five parts of Last Son. Ok, it wasn’t that long ago--it just feels that way.  Truth be told, Part one of the story came out in December of 2006. Now a year and a half later, the conclusion of the story has been released.  The question is, was it worth the wait?  Unfortunately, the answer is: not really.

Once again, DC provides no recap page. This is troublesome.  Especially here where over nine months have gone by since the last installment. Admittedly, DC gets the closest they ever have to a recap through the clever use of newspaper headlines that highlight previous issues.  Still, I struggled a bit to remember who were who and what they were doing. The plot is simple: General Zod and the other phantom zone criminals have escaped and took over the world.  They have kidnapped all of the world’s heroes, which forced Superman to team up with Lex Luthor and the Superman Revenge Squad (consisting of Metallo, Parasite (isn’t he dead) and Bizarro.  I’m not sure if these events occurred on or off panel.  As expected, this rag tag team of heroes and villains face off against the invading Kryptonians in a last pitched battle for the planet.  Caught in the crossfire are Lois and Christopher Kent (Zod’s real and Superman’s adopted son), one of which may have made the ultimate sacrifice.

I really did not enjoy this book. It wasn’t the storytelling, which had fun dialog and great pacing. It wasn’t the art (although I have no idea who that woman they called “Lois” was supposed to be--she looked nothing like Lois Lane.) There were even some great glimpses into Lex Luthor’s character when he explains why he teamed up with Superman (although we have heard this before.  Finally, the flip Kryptonian/English cover was a brilliant idea. 

Despite all these good things, I had some major problems that bothered me so much that they took me out of the story. First, Superman was far to accepting of his villainous allies and their actions.  Page after page shows numerous Kryptonians being killed in different, but equally brutal, ways.  There is one constant in the DC Universe and that is: Superman does not kill.  I had trouble accepting that he would ally himself with killers, let alone allow them to kill.  I also thought Kubert’s art was not as strong as in previous issues and wondered if there was a fill in artist used to finish the story.

The other problem is more fundamental. When the heck does this story occur?  We have had fifteen issues of Action Comics and over eighteen months of Superman Comics since the beginning of “Last Son.” Things occurred in those issues that would be impossible given the events that take place in Action Comic Annual 11.  So, does that mean that the entire story took place after those issues? If that is the case, then other things would not make sense in light of those issues and Countdown.  I’m not a strict continuitist and I understand the need for some flexibility but the big stuff (i.e., whether some is alive or dead) should be respected. Figuring out with this issue fit made my head hurt. I do find it funny that in the 90s when DC had really bad continuity over all, the S books were an ideal (with triangles on each issue).  Now, DC has a tighter continuity overall, but the S books have fallen apart.  Hopefully, the new creative team will be able to maintain a tighter continuity. 

Who know, perhaps “Last Son” will read better as a trade.
Last Son Conclusion
Written by Geoff Johns and Richard Donner
Art and cover by Adam Kubert
Variant cover by Kubert
Color Artist: Edgar Delgado
Letterer: Rob Leigh

The Return of Steve Rogers is here! Well, sort of.

Remember that teaser image a while back of Captain America, painted by Alex Ross, with the word ‘Return’ on it? Remember how it caused an uproar of sorts? Well, read on and discover why that came to be.

Hey, sometimes the simplest concepts are the best ones. Taking a superhero team from the past and pulling them into the present day, or vice versa, is not reinventing the wheel. We’ve seen it done quite a few times already. The Justice League meeting The Justice Society, for example. But when you take characters that have the ability, in some cases, to meet their present-day selves… that’s pretty cool. Now, Alex Ross and Jim Krueger have had some fun with the Marvel Universe before, with Earth X, Universe X and Paradise X, but those were comics that had a greater kinship with The Dark Knight Returns in the respect of a tale of a possible future. But now, Ross and Krueger have re-teamed to bring the fabled hero team of World War II, The Invaders, to the present to meet and, most likely, do battle with the super team of The Avengers in Avengers/Invaders #1. Did I mention that this was most likely going to screw with the heads of everyone involved?

We get a great beginning and a great narrator courtesy of the youthful Bucky Barnes, circa 1943. He, alongside the rest of the Invaders, are on a mission to stop another of Hitler’s occult-y weapons (The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail, The Spear of Destiny… geez, was there any trinket he wasn‘t trying to get his slimy hands on?). We get great little intros to the heroes that make up The Invaders, from Captain America to Toro. The opening fight is not a pretty one. This is war. People are killing and getting killed, including the heroes. Suddenly, a green mist appears and sucks Cap, Bucky, Sub-Mariner, Jim Hammond (the original Human Torch) and Toro into present-day Manhattan, where the Thunderbolts are chasing down Spider-Man, in one of the most fun Spidey fights I‘ve seen in a long time. The line about Radioactive Man’s finger being pulled is one of the biggest laughs that a comic has elicited from me for a while. Naturally everyone is thrown for a super-duper loop and thusly the Thunderbolts now start attacking the newly-arrived heroes, much to their eventual dismay. But what also cuts like a knife is that Spider-Man, who watches most of this conflict, is convinced that Steve Rogers is back and he’s no longer dead.  And he’s not the only one who gets that news; a certain head of SHIELD also sees it.

Another monkey in the wrench is the superheroes are not the only ones to come through this green mist. A lone army infantryman gets pulled in too, and he just isn’t ready for anything quite so fantastic.

What’s gonna kill me here is that this is a 12-issue series, so it’s going to be a whole damn year before the resolution. That being said, I am just loving this year as far as comics go. There’s so much more good stuff than bad. This week was filled with lots of comics, but this one is definitely the cake-taker. I liked Earth X, but the sequels left me a little cold. I really liked DC’s Justice as well, so I know that Ross is not only one of the greatest living comic artists, he’s also a heck of a storyteller as well, especially with his aide-de-camp Krueger on hand. I’m also really liking Steve Sadowski’s art here. It’s very solid, getting only a little sketchy at times, and it’s filled with detail. I wish two things, though. First, that Union Jack also got pulled in. I love Union Jack. I also wish, despite Sadowski’s work, that Ross himself was doing the art. That would bring the flippin’ house down.

Oh, well. At least we get his covers.

Avengers/Invaders #1
“Book One: Old Soldiers, New Wars”
Plotted by Alex Ross and Jim Krueger
Script by Jim Krueger
Pencils by Steve Sadowski
Colors by inLight Studios
Letters by Todd Klein

The heartwarming tale of a boy and his hamster, via the mind of Garth Ennis.

Garth Ennis HATES Superheroes. He hates them with the white-hot intensity of a thousand burning suns. It’s an interesting point of view for someone in the comic industry, particularly for someone so well-regarded. Personally, I LOVE Garth Ennis. He brought us some of the greatest issues of The Punisher and John Constantine: Hellblazer, as well as some other brilliant original series like Enemy Ace: War In Heaven and War Stories. But for my money, he also created the greatest long-running series ever, which was Preacher. When I say long-running, I mean it had more than 24 issues. But I digress, because we’re not here to praise Preacher. We’re here to praise The Boys, Ennis’ latest all-out assault on the superhero genre. He’s explored it before with the Punisher arc, “Confederacy of Dunces”, but in The Boys, we’ve got superheroes running wild all over the world, doing everything from accidentally splattering the occasional innocent bystander to rampant sexual deviance to out-and-out evil deeds like rape and murder. This is a world where the good guys have to be watched more closely than the bad guys and that’s when you call in The Boys. Now, anyone who reads The Boys knows that this is easily the most offensive comic on the shelves, for reasons that are too numerous to list here. But that’s par for the course for Ennis. When he does mature readers comics, they are definitely not for the kiddies. Bear in mind, this is a series so incendiary that DC/Wildstorm dropped it after only six issues. Then the maverick publisher Dynamite picked it up and Ennis and his artist/collaborator Darick Robertson pulled out all the stops… and all the hamsters.

Issue 18 brings about the aftermath of the hilariously offensive (or offensively hilarious) sexual tryst of Hughie and Annie (who, unbeknownst to Hughie, is actually one of the superheroic members of The Seven) and also the (hopefully) final battle between Hughie and the resurrected Blarney smurfin, whom Hughie accidentally killed in his first super-powered confrontation. But the only reason that Hughie even confronts Blarney smurfin (if you read the comic, you know how that actually translates) is because Hughie’s pet hamster Jamie formerly belonged to B.C., who kept it… well, decorum prohibits me talking about that here (but it does bring an old urban myth surrounding Richard Gere to mind). Only Ennis. But there are some other matters here as well, as to what is the secret of Mother’s Milk and his mother? Why does he have an aversion to giant snakes? What is the nature of the truce between The Boys and The Seven? Many questions are asked here, including how does one dispose of a dead body effectively?

This is the final issue of the “Good for the Soul” arc, and it’s very satisfying. We get to see Annie grow a spine when dealing with A-Train; we get to see the confession of Hughie and his feelings about killing Blarney smurfin and his eventual realization of his silly funeral pyre speech; and we get to see a hilariously disgusting Blarney smurfin in all his fecal-stained glory. Robertson’s art is spot-on as per usual. Again, this is SO not a comic for everyone. It’s been accused of being, well, everything that it is. It takes some of the best-known and loved superheroes in the world and makes fun of them at every turn. It’s filled to the brim with so much offensive language, violence, nudity and sex that it could make Robert Mapplethorpe blush. The one accusation that I take issue with is people’s claim that this is a very homophobic comic. I can see why overly-sensitive people might believe that, but this is not a comic for overly-sensitive people. This is so far from P.C. that it almost balances the scales. Garth Ennis, in his fictional world of The Boys, is an equal-opportunity hater.

Except for superheroes. He hates them most of all.

By the way, ‘smurfin’ means something else here.

The Boys #18
“Good for the Soul: Conclusion”
Written by Garth Ennis
Art by Darick Robertson
Colors by Tony Avina
Letters by Simon Bowland

What’s in a name? In THIS man’s case, it means everything!

I will say this as a preface: If nothing else, the people at Dynamite Entertainment are very courageous. They have taken some real risks as a comic company. Publishing adult-oriented comics like The Boys, and some intelligent and thoughtful reworkings of the great icons of pulp literature like The Lone Ranger and Zorro and expanding the universes of some cult/fan faves like Battlestar Galactica and Army of Darkness takes guts. And now, we have a new icon to add to the list. He’s the archetype of just about every anti-hero of the last four decades; he’s not noble unless it’s necessary, he’s not friendly but you‘d want him as your friend, he’s not kind but he can show respect, he’s cold-blooded and he’ll kill you if you get in his way, but somehow, he ends up doing the right thing. The real trouble? No one knows what to call him. He’s The Man With No Name. First brought to our popular consciousness as the unnamed protagonist of Sergio Leone’s 1964 spaghetti western classic “A Fistful of Dollars”, he appeared out of nowhere and unwittingly but inevitably brought order to a town filled with chaos. It changed the Western genre forever and it gave cinema a new star in the form of Clint Eastwood. This character appeared, under Leone’s direction, in two more films: 1965’s “For A Few Dollars More” and then in one of the greatest films of the genre, 1966’s epic “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly”. Now, he’s back with writer Christos Gage and artist Wellington Dias helming The Man With No Name #1.

For those of you who haven’t seen “The Good, The Bad and The Ugly”, this story picks up pretty much right after where that film left off. Good Clint, Bad Lee Van Cleef and Ugly Eli Wallach are searching for a hundred thousand dollars in Confederate gold, and along the way, Clint’s character blows up a Union bridge. They find the gold, and there’s a three-way duel. Van Cleef is blown away, Wallach is left stranded and No Name, or ‘Blondie’ as Wallach calls him, makes off with the gold. End of recap. At the beginning of this story, No Name, still in his trademark poncho and facial scruff, ends up in a small town where he runs afoul of some Union soldiers who are after him for the destruction of their supply bridge. Using his never-fail wits, he outsmarts them and his never-fail aim and speed, he outguns them. Naturally, the Confederates are after his hide too because of the gold. But it all comes to a head when he finds himself reliant on his guns again when both Union and Confederate soldiers seem to be after him. After the smoke clears, it turns out they weren’t. There’s a priest who, as he lays dying, begs for No Name to help others that are surrounded by more Blue and Grey ‘bandits’ at a mission in San Antonio. So, what’s a morally-impaired antihero to do?

What do you think he’ll do?

I really like the way that the Western is making a comeback in comics, especially the way that Dynamite is doing it. They did something wonderful with The Lone Ranger, but that does have the distinction of having a great writer/artist team with a superb art director in John Cassaday. This first issue is terrific in the way that it continues a tale over forty years old, and Gage does a great job re-establishing the atmosphere of the Man With No Name mythology. His dialogue is very true to the character, and when he speaks, you can practically hear the gravelly intonation of Eastwood’s voice coming off the page. The only two problems I have here are with the length and the art. This just seems like an incredibly short issue. I breezed through it and I didn’t want to. There’s a big splash page in the middle of the issue that just seemed like it was put there to make the comic more economical. I wanted it to have something that stuck with me a little bit more. Also Dias’ art is a little on the bland side. It doesn’t have a lot of grit to it. And the colors of Bruno Hang are a little too crisp. This is something that should have a little more of a bleached-out look to it. I’m more of a story-over-art kinda guy anyway, so I’ll keep my faith that The Man With No Name will do Sergio and Clint a little more justice.

Oh, and can we cool it with the Arthur Suydam incentive Zombie variant covers? Let’s have a bit of a moratorium on those. It’s getting really old.

The Man With No Name #1
“The Good, The Bad and The Uglier - Sinners and Saints: Chapter One”
Written By Christos Gage
Art by Wellington Dias
Colors by Bruno Hang
Letters by Simon Bowland

As Iron Man,
All jets ablaze,
He fights and smite’n
With repulsor rays!

So how do you celebrate opening a movie that makes over $100,000,000 domestically in it’s first weekend? Well, if you’re a comic publisher, the answer seems easy; you publish a second series with a new #1 issue. This time around, Iron Man gets the obligatory second title, The Invincible Iron Man, harnessing the talents of Matt Fraction and Salvador Larroca.

The book opens in an African nation where technology like cell phones with built-in camera are still new and exotic. Adimu Chiume and her friends share the thrill of a brand new phone just as three boys exit a car and blow up, taking the girls and a large chuck of the street with them. Welcome to 21st century terrorism. Meanwhile, Tony Stark is helping repair a space shuttle and trying to bed a more-than-willing supermodel before SHIELD can track him down and report the suicide bombing. Thinking that the bombing was caused by an armor like his, Stark takes it personally and wants to lead the team that tracks down the bomber’s bosses.

Fraction has an interesting take on Stark in this book-- he is a man who lives in constant fear of a great many things. Yet unlike most of us, Tony Stark has the money, ingenuity and heroism to take on his fears and overcome them. That doesn’t mean that those fears are gone; they’re just dealt with. Whether it’s taking a drink or having his technology falling into the wrong hand, Stark is a man who is constantly reminded of his own failures and fears. These are the things that he has to live with and try to overcome. Often writers will focus on one failure or another of Stark’s but Fraction tackles them all head on at once. Through the narration where Stark recounts his fears, Fraction also shows how Stark’s brain works. It’s constantly in motion and never stops. This book is full of Stark’s thoughts, continually moving and calculating what he needs to do. It’s almost dizzying how much text is in this issue. Fraction is not writing in any stripped down style here.

The problem with this issue is that after the movie successfully portrays the humor and wit of Tony Stark, Fraction’s script comes off as very dry and emotionless. Even where Fraction manages to get some humor into the book (watch out for Pepper Potts and her frugal fashion sense and keen spelling abilities,) it comes off as forced and artificial, rather than natural. It’s not that it’s bad; it’s just that it’s not as much fun as the movie that’s out right now. And that’s probably not a fair comparison to either Fraction or Larroca but let’s face it, if it wasn’t for the movie, would Marvel really be gambling on putting out another new title right now?

With that, Marvel is probably missing a big opportunity right now by not making this more like the movie. Understandably they have to tie this book into current continuity so that means that Tony Stark is the head of SHIELD, gets little time to be a millionaire playboy, to tinker around on cars and cool tech and doesn’t get to have a drink in his hand most of the time and be cleverer and glibber than most of us get to be. Tony has real responsibilities that you didn’t have to see in the movie. If someone who’s seen the movie wants to go out and get an Iron Man comic, they’ll find a #1 here that features a character that has more responsibilities and little of the joy or fun.

Invincible Iron Man #1
“The Five Nightmares Part 1: Armageddon Days”
Written by: Matt Fraction
Penciled by: Salvador Larroca
Colored by: Frank D’Armata & Stephan Peru
Lettered by: Chris Eliopoulos